Best way to deal with a narcissist
In fact they often seem extremely attractive when you first meet them! Exciting, charming, seductive, and forever making breathtaking romantic gestures. But sooner or later their self-centredness shows through. Narcissists dominate their partners, and they’re unfaithful and unavailable. ILLUSTRATION | IGAH
What you need to know:
- Extreme narcissists are so self centred that they treat everyone else as objects. Who’s only purpose is to help them achieve their goals. And so you won’t be surprised to hear that they’re more common amongst politicians, financiers, and the leadership of religious cults.
- Narcissists use their children as part of their strategy. Like they don’t really want all that time with their kids, but know that the Disney-parent stuff looks good in court. And impresses everyone else.
We all know someone who’s totally preoccupied with their appearance and success.
Who’s forever telling you about their latest conquest, thinks they’re special and is obsessed with expensive cars and gadgets. Likes throwing their money around, especially when other people might notice…
And we all do that a tiny bit ourselves, of course, just to help us feel good. It’s called narcissism, and at that level it’s quite amusing. But extreme cases can really hurt other people. Sufferers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder think everything’s about themselves, boast a lot, believe they’re better than everyone else, and are extremely sensitive to even the mildest criticism.
They can’t connect emotionally to others, and exploit them for their own gain. Extreme narcissists are so self centred that they treat everyone else as objects. Who’s only purpose is to help them achieve their goals. And so you won’t be surprised to hear that they’re more common amongst politicians, financiers, and the leadership of religious cults.
ROMANTIC GESTURES
And they get married. In fact they often seem extremely attractive when you first meet them! Exciting, charming, seductive, and forever making breathtaking romantic gestures.
But sooner or later their self-centredness shows through. Narcissists dominate their partners, and they’re unfaithful and unavailable. One minute you’re up on a pedestal. The next you mean nothing to them. They don’t see how their behaviour’s affecting you, and won’t change. So their relationships often fail. Mostly because their partners can’t stand them any longer.
The trouble is, while it’s hard enough being married to a narcissist, it’s even tougher leaving one. Because while everyone gets upset in a break up, we adjust and get over it. Narcissist go on blaming their partner forever. And trying to harm them. They want revenge. And the divorce courts are a great platform for that. Narcissists love those contentious and long drawn out divorce cases that cost a fortune. And which hugely harm children.
Children have a hard enough time in a normal divorce. But in high-conflict divorces, all that intense drama becomes a child’s whole life, and they’re deeply damaged by it all.
Plus narcissists use their children as part of their strategy. Like they don’t really want all that time with their kids, but know that the Disney-parent stuff looks good in court. And impresses everyone else.
And you? If you’re married to a narcissist, and you’re thinking of a divorce? Talk to a REALLY good counsellor who thoroughly understands narcissism. And encourage them to work with your legal team so that everyone knows what you’re dealing with.
Can you avoid ever being involved with a narcissist in the first place? Not easily. Because they always seem so charming when you first meet one. But a narcissist won’t really want to get to know you as a person. Doesn’t really get deeply involved in your life. Or talk to you authentically and empathetically about your feelings. Somehow everything’s always all about them…
