Be intentional in marriage and treat your spouse well


Put your kids second, not first. Your marriage comes first.

Photo credit: Samuel Muigai | Nation Media Group

What you need to know:

  • Talk about your joys, your dream and fears.
  • Every wife needs her husband to be her best friend.

These days it’s fashionable to praise individuality. And it does have it’s virtues.

So young people stay single for many years, focusing on their careers.

But no career can ever match the happiness that a good marriage will bring you.

There are exceptions of course, and some marriages are awful. But your best strategy is still to put a high priority on finding the right partner, and then to treat them really well.

But what does ‘treat your spouse well’ really mean?

It means treating them kindly, far more kindly than anyone else in the world. Many couples do exactly the opposite.

And really talk to one another. Most couples spend most of their time bickering about logistics. Who’s going shopping, who’s paying the latest bill, who’s picking up the kids.

Logistics are essential, of course. But they don’t build happy relationships. Talk about your joys, your dream and fears. And enjoy every opportunity to laugh together.

Commit 100% to your marriage, or it won’t succeed. Find ways to say ‘I love you’ that don’t involve sex. When you’re going out together, make sure you’re dressing up for each other and no-one else.

Tidy up after yourself. Put your clothes away. Leave the toilet seat down.

Every wife needs her husband to be her best friend. So take a genuine interest in her life, and her thoughts, and tell her what’s going on in your mind. Make it your goal in life to figure her out. She’s worth it.

Every husband needs his wife to be his cheerleader. So constantly tell your husband that you think he’s a winner.

When you’re having an argument, listen to each other. Listen to understand, not to find fault so you can win. Marriage is either a win/win or a lose/lose. And you never win in marriage by beating your partner down.

Forgive each other for old misdemeanours, and don’t bring them up every time you have a new fight. If an argument’s not solved by bedtime, just go to sleep. You can deal with it tomorrow, if you even remember what it was all about.

Put your kids second, not first. Your marriage comes first. Your spouse was there before the kids came, and will be there after they’ve moved out.

Don’t let your marriage drift. Couples only ever drift apart. If you want to grow closer, you have to be intentional about it.

You married someone of the opposite gender. That’s what marriage is all about. So don’t bug him if he doesn’t show his emotions. Some men just don’t. And don’t get upset if she obsesses over hers.

Don’t run to your mum if your spouse does something you don’t like. You’re a couple now. Fix it yourselves.

Constantly tell each other how much you admire each other. Tell your kids and your friends. And let your spouse hear you doing it.

And say yes far more often than you say no.