Here’s how to build lasting friendship

Your friends aren’t just fun, they’re important for your health. Because socially disconnected people are less healthy, less happy, and live shorter lives. Social isolation is as harmful as drinking too much, smoking or obesity.

People who have close friends are more successful in life and are far less likely to become depressed. Because friendships aren't just warm and cuddly feelings. There are real benefits from the trust, support, and cooperation amongst good friends. Even the feeling of belonging satisfies a deep human need.

And don’t imagine just having 500 Facebook friends is enough. It’s not only the number of friends you have, it’s the closeness and quality of your relationships that matters.

Because quality friendships mean three things: somebody to talk to, someone to depend on, and someone to enjoy.

That all comes naturally when we’re young. School-kids and students are age mates, doing all the same things together, and their whole lives revolve around having fun with their mates.

But making friends gets more difficult as you get older. You have less free time, and your friendships are often ended by career moves, getting married, and starting a family. Making friends with other couples is like matchmaking for two. New people do enter your life, for example your children’s friends’ parents. But those ‘parent friends’ rarely get close, because you didn’t choose them. Your children chose each other, but only because they’re about the same size. You also lose friends through divorce. People you hung out with as a couple just stop inviting you round.

Friendships later in life also look, nothing like the ones you had in school and college. Or the ones you see in TV shows. Suddenly work obligations and ambitions trump buddies. Meeting up means planning for weeks in advance.

And the more professional opportunities came your way, the more time you spend away from the people you truly care about. Somehow we leave our friends until last, giving them whatever bits of time are left over after everything else.

So start making time for your friends!

Put regular slots in your schedule for your mates, and always meet at the same place, so there’s no more back-and-forth messaging to set everything up. And if you have kids make them welcome. But they don’t run the show. Let them play on their own, and tell them they’re welcome to listen, but not to interrupt unless it’s an emergency.

Because you also want them to know that adult friendships matter. Watching you all together teaches your children that being a good friend means listening when others have something to share, and not being distracted by anything else, including your phone and your children!

Because authentic, caring friendships matter, so make time in your schedule to invest in them. Because it’s also an investment in your future health. Forget diets and the latest workout routines. The best medicine may be to gather your favourite people around a table.