What you need to know:
- Trust is not a destination qualification; it is a journey of many steps that never seem to end.
- If this relationship means so much to you, you have to also realise that it takes two to make it happen.
I graduated from the university two months ago and recently secured a job. My girlfriend is pregnant; she is still in school but is currently on long holiday. A few weeks ago, she started accusing me of cheating on her. The reason for this accusation was that a female friend had posted a comment on my photo on social media.
Since then, she has been very upset with me. All my pleas to reassure her of my loyalty have fallen on deaf ears. The other day we had a huge fight that ended in us breaking up.
She now accuses me of being irresponsible and abandoning her in her time of need. She claims that she has been forced to run away from home and defer her studies because of the pregnancy.
Pastor, because of the long distance between us I have asked this girl repeatedly to show me this pregnancy but she has refused. As I mentioned, I now have a job and I would like to take care of her and my unborn baby. Why won’t she let me see the pregnancy?
I have tried to resolve issues but she is stuck on the belief that I am cheating on her. What should I do?
Congratulations on completing school and getting a job. Now, this is when real life happens. Part of what you are sharing involves decisions you will need to make as a man. Relationships can be complicated and messy if not well managed.
First, you need the will and clarity to know what you want. If this relationship means so much to you, you have to also realise that it takes two to make it happen. You cannot force or twist her arm to continue with the relationship.
Second, gauging by the way things have been between the two of you, can she trust you? Trust is not a destination qualification; it is a journey of many steps that never seem to end.
Third, conflict in relationships is common particularly where some men tend to forget the intimate moments they had and feel like they are being framed for a pregnancy they never caused. In other cases, some women have been known to place the pregnancy on a man for a particular reason known to them. Whichever way, the two of you know each other to some degree. I would suggest that you give her time.
You may need to revisit the comment/s that was made on your social media. Many men brush off such comments without looking at the issue from their partner’s perspective. Try not to trivialize her concerns. Sometimes women ask questions like “Why did she hug him that way… Why did they hug for that long…Why is he hanging around her all the time?”
Such questions may look frivolous, but you need to acknowledge that we are wired differently. Men worry and have their own questions that may appear unimportant to women. In the end it is never about who is right and who is not, it is about creating a win-win situation.
Your conviction should be based on sobriety and careful thought when making decisions about the pregnancy and who the father of the child could be. Finally, your future together will depend on the two of you agreeing to talk. But in the end, you can only engage as much as she lets you. If she is closed up, there is nothing you can do but move on with your life.
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