I just cleared university but haven’t secured a job yet. My 19-year-old girlfriend is pregnant. I suggested we get an abortion done because I cannot afford to raise the baby. She got furious with me and refused to consider the suggestion saying it is wrong.
My girlfriend lives with her unemployed dad; her mum left. She is struggling to get money for the clinic and I feel helpless as I have no means to help her. She mentioned that her older brother occasionally sends her money. However, he is very upset that she got pregnant.
Pastor, I am scared of what the future holds. I am not ready to bear the responsibilities of being a dad. I am ashamed of myself for ruining this girl’s life. What do I do?
Involving in premarital sex has its share of heavy consequences. Unemployed and not ready to be a husband and father will send anyone panicking. In life, whether it is through ignorance or uncontrolled sexual desire, early pregnancies have continued to lead many into a detour from their intended life dreams.
In addition, teen pregnancies have led to abortions and the abandonment of many helpless children. Sadly for you, that is why when the pregnancy came, the only option was an abortion. Truthfully, this appeared to you as an easy way of dealing with a matter. However, running away from responsibility is not a mature way of handling the situation. Wrong choices have a way of repeating themselves in future.
Coming back to the issues at hand, the truth is: First, your girlfriend is pregnant and she does not want to abort. That means, some point soon, your baby will be born into this world. Whether you will continue with this relationship or not, you must respect her decision and values when it comes to what she perceives to be against her convictions.
Second, you have to acknowledge the fact that you are going to be a father. For this to happen, she will need help. I pray that you stand by her side through this without compromising or seeking to manipulate her. Whichever way, you have some decisions to make. Some of these include a need for your inner healing, getting a job, and whether you will live together. In case you decide to end the relationship, note that this won’t change the fact that you are this child’s biological father.
Third, you do not live in denial. You need to take responsibility whichever way. Helping her through this time is key. The two of you may need counselling. This will help you deal with your inner fears and anxieties. You have to realise that this child will need upkeep. The quicker you find a job to do the better for you and the mother of the child.
I suggest that you visit the brother of your girlfriend and come to an amicable solution concerning the future. If you don’t desire to be together, support her through this time and ensure she is in good hands. Part amicably without running away from responsibility. You may decide to visit the children’s department and get the baby adopted. Another option is to have the baby taken care of by a relative as your girlfriend finds a course to do and get work.
Personally, I don’t believe abortion is the right way to deal with the situation. You have the power to change your circumstances through faith and making right choices.
Fear and anxiety will only cloud your future dreams and lead you to compromise. You can do better. I do not believe your current mistakes and failures are the end of your story. A bright future is only made through better and more responsible choices. As for the mother of your child, it is up to you to determine if she aligns with your desired future. It will be difficult to plan for her without involving her now that you share this child.
Both of you will need to process this whole episode together and with the support of those who will walk with you without fear. A joint problem will need a joint solution. Remorse or sympathy towards what the mother of your child could be facing will help bring sobriety as you journey on. I wish you all the best.
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