I wish we could be more like each other

The other day, we had a mighty row with Hubby.

He will read this and claim that I am exaggerating. I am not. He was so upset that he called our mentor couple to report me for taking him, or rather his time, for granted. I had informed him - that morning - of an event that we were to attend in the afternoon.

Now, my husband is the type that needs a five year’s notice, followed by a PowerPoint presentation about what, why, when, who and how of an event, before he can say yes to it. The good thing about this is that he is dependable.

Once he says, “Fine, I will be there”, you can be sure that he will block his calendar, identify the appropriate wear for the day and will annoyingly be in time -often too early for the event, be it a party or official meeting. We have shown up at a party, and the host had not even showered, never mind that they had said noon and thanks to Hubby, we were ringing the doorbell at 11.45 am!

Pick me upOn the flip side, Hubby can be annoyingly organised and expect the rest of us to be the same. I am an impromptu person, the type that you call and tell, “Pack your bag; I’m coming to pick you up.”

And you indeed will pick me up, and only halfway into the trip will I remember to ask where we are heading, anyway, back to our humongous morning clash when I informed him of the event that was to happen in the afternoon.

Please note, in my opinion, this was already many hours of the notice period. “You knew about all this, and you are letting me know about it now?” Hubby had asked me. His afternoon was clear, so I can only assume that he was in a bad mood to make such a big deal of the announcement.

I told him the same, and as you might imagine, this conversation went downhill pretty first after that. Also, I added, which was the truth, which I, too, had almost forgotten about the event until that hour when I got a text with the directions to the venue. Isn’t it boring to overlook spontaneity?

He was upset about what he called an ambush and random shenanigans. I did not see what the big deal was and reminded him that a few weeks before, he had also ambushed me about a family event. “But I had informed you in advance about that. You forgot.” “But you reminded me the night before, which makes it an ambush as well.”Hubby will give me three weeks’ notice about a function.

But by the last day, being a little forgetful, I will have forgotten all about it. He will then ambush me the night before, yet the function is scheduled for early the following morning. Surely! Isn’t that the same as me informing him of an event that same morning?I added salt to the already oversalted stew by adding that this was such a small issue to warrant rousing our friends from their Saturday sleep in. That is how his time being considered a small issue became the centre of the argument.

We could have easily resolved the stand-off by politely saying that I was sorry for the ambush. Or, better still, he could have moved with the flow, but how else do couples invent mini thrillers other than through pointless disagreements?

Whoever invented the phrase, making a mountain out of a mole hole, must have been married. On the other end, our friends were also going through a tiff, and we called them just at the perfect time. We turned to mediators even as they easily helped us to break the impasse. We attended the event - in time - looking like the poster couple. I have now learned to send calendar invites to Hubby and possibly links to the agenda of the meetings or events.

I do not promise to sustain this, as I get irritated when he keeps reminding me about stuff and expects me to over plan, as he does. Do you know what I think would be great for our relationship? If he could be a bit spontaneous like me, and I could be a little more organised like him.

***Karimi is a wife who believes in marriage. [email protected]