'I’m 14, should I abort my baby?'

Dear Kitoto
I recently discovered that I am pregnant. I am 14 and in Class Seven. The pregnancy is about one month old.

My boyfriend and I are classmates. He has told me to have an abortion. I haven’t told my parents that I am pregnant. What should I do? I feel so confused and worried.

Hi,

Thank you for having the courage to write and share your dilemma. You represent many other silent teenagers that find themselves in the same daunting situation.

The fact that you reached out tells me that you desire to do what is right. They say, where there is a will there is a way.

Your fear is that your parents don’t know about the pregnancy. In addition, the boy who made you pregnant wants an abortion. This has put you at a cross-road with your values.

Of concern to you is what you will do with your schooling. How do you deal with this cloudy future? I understand that this can be scary and tough for a teenager like you.

The fact is, life is about the choices we make. Currently, your life is in a mess and requires redirection. Your choices have placed you where you never intended to be. However, with these regrets on your shoulders, what went wrong should not be allowed to permanently define you and the future ahead.

What you may need to ask is: “What made you fall short and move into compromise?” Your faultiness must be identified and sealed. Otherwise, falling back into the same pitfalls is a possibility.

"Flesh appetite"

Here are some considerations: First, in life, we all fight against the desires of the world and the flesh that test the foundation of our values.

Many teenagers get to a space like yourself and fail to live responsibly, make wise choices, practice self-control, and live a focused life based on the right priorities. As social beings, the failure to manage oneself can be disastrous.

If you look back, you will acknowledge that we don’t just fall. Somehow we lose control, follow our own fleshly appetites, and refuse to focus on what truly matters.

Responsible living requires that you live life with the end in mind—that is to say, process every decision by looking at its long-term impact or consequences. So, you must always ask: “How will what I am doing now affect my future?”

The fact is that, if you are pregnant, your schooling will definitely be affected. Your will to make a comeback and study is key. Without this, the idea of a career will be an illusion.

Additionally, you have to confront your boyfriend who is pressuring you to abort. This child has a right to life just like everyone else. As such, your parents who are currently in the dark need to know.

Here are some practical ways to chart your way ahead: First, restoration is knowing the place from where you fell.

When this is identified, the idea here is to rebuild the weak wall and make better choices for the future. Second, determine to do things right despite the cost. There is no success without sacrifice. Your parents have been there for you and took responsibility for your life until now. They deserve to be told.

Third, learn to listen to yourself and your convictions. If your convictions are right, then your life will be aligned with the choices made.

Listening will help you know how to address your fears, anxieties, pride and faulty foundation that could have led to compromise. Listening well will help you better listen to others. It is possible to be unhappy even when you follow your plan and reach your goals. But, if your convictions are right, then realigning will be easier.

Having a better listening habit calls for us to acknowledge our values and convictions. What are they based on? What you believe can change everything. That is why we are what we think.

Negativity

Another issue is to recognise our negativity and its source. If you focus your mind on the wrong things, this can cause you to ignore your inner convictions. This is how we avoid toxic thoughts. Of importance also is to learn the difference between your needs and other people’s expectations.

You can only choose what is right when you learn to keep the right focus based on clear inner convictions. But do remember that, you have a say in what happens in your relationships. Talk to your boyfriend and let him know that you too have a choice and see if he will understand your concerns.

The caution here is for you to ensure that you disconnect the love affair totally. In my line of work, I have met many young ladies who were once in a similar situation like yours.

Some aborted and testified regretting their decision. There are others who gave a chance to the baby and ended up redirecting their lives.

You have a choice to speak to your parents, reprioritise and jointly come up with a way how the child will be raised. Will the child stay with parents, grandparents or a guardian or a relative while you go to school? You need the guidance of your parents on this.

Knowing that premarital sex has consequences, abortion too has consequences that seem to hang around for a long time; and for some, right into marriage.

With prayer and committing yourself to the help of your parents, spiritual leaders and counsellors you will come through strong.

Just be sure to do what is right. I, therefore, suggest that you think through the action by letting your faith and values guide you. In such situations, you may need to reflect on the innocence of the unborn child and ask yourself why he/she should face the wrath of abortion.

There are many organisations that can walk with you to see the unborn child cared for until birth and later the child can be adopted or given to a rescue home. As I mentioned earlier, your spiritual leaders can also help give you counsel.

I believe that, with their guidance, you can suspend schooling for a period and care for this great gift. There are many who have passed this road before and gone back to school and completed it.

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