Heck, I give up! Suicide, the shocking truth no one wants to talk about

The mood is sombre at the funeral of the young woman, her parents bitter at their ray of hope dimmed. Speaker after speaker laments the loss of a promising light the visionary and energetic girl cast on their lives. Her cousin breaks into tears as she explains how friendly and inspiring the departed soul was to her. A mourner wipes the tears on her eyes with a leso. They have lost someone dear. She committed suicide.

You hold your tears back and ask: “Why did she do this?” You ask that question because something tells you Claire should not have done this.

She conquered high school like a gold-medal athlete, scored an A grade in Form Four and was on her way to becoming a pharmacist. But something made her take a drug overdose, and here you are, wrestling with your emotions as you bid her farewell. The scar she has left in your heart will take a long time to heal. If ever.

Claire, though, did not walk alone on the path to suicide. A teacher had swallowed pesticide just a few days before her; and a teenager had hung herself a month earlier. Interestingly, they all had not seemed the kind to do that. They were doing well; Claire in university, the teacher raising a beautiful happy family, and the teenage girl living it up courtesy of her upper-middle class parents.

It is hard to understand what is going on, but it is clear that suicide is not the preserve of the evidently wretched, as has been imagined before. It might be shrouded in secrecy and attract stigma, but it is changing face — in Kenya and the world over. It is ensnaring the young and old, rich and poor, educated and illiterate.

ONE SUICIDE EVERY 40 SECONDS

Authorities often record it as “death by unnatural causes”, creating difficulty in compiling accurate statistics. In fact, most African countries do not report data on suicides. In many cultures ostracisation of affected individuals and families is common, which explains in part why suicide is often hidden; while the effects of limited psychological health specialists and inadequate psychiatric infrastructure are compounded by under-funding of research and the lack of official systems for reporting such deaths.

But, even in that statistical darkness, one can see there is a suicide problem in Kenya, as there is in the world. According to a World Health Organisation report last month, someone in the world commits suicide every 40 seconds. That means about one million people commit suicide annually, and for every person who dies, there are 20 more people who unsuccessfully attempt to kill themselves.

Consequently, suicide kills more people than floods, earthquakes and all other forms of natural catastrophes, together with conflicts in places like Iraq and Somalia, combined. The shocking implication of this is that those who kill themselves are far much more than those who are killed!

As often happens when a highly successful, wealthy and famous individual commits suicide, the question on everyone’s lips is: “Why on earth did he kill himself yet he had everything?” Robin Williams, the highly successful US actor who committed suicide in 2014, once said something that provides invaluable insights into this question. “I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone,” Williams said. “It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone.”

Is it loneliness or despair that is sending people to their graves? Are frustrations boiling over? If so, why? Is unemployment or under-employment playing a part? Are family support systems crumbling? How good is our mental health care system? Are faith-based organisations sleeping on the job?

There are no quick and easy answers to these vital questions. Worse, we do not want to discuss it, because it is a “bad omen”.

For young people, the global suicide trend seems to be true for Kenya. Globally, suicide is the second cause of death for young people aged 15 to 29 years, and a random sampling of suicide cases in Kenya reveals the deeply troubling fact that many victims are youth, still in their prime.

Generally, men commit suicide more than four times as often as women, but women attempt suicide about three times as often as men. For young adults ages 15 to 19, five times as many males as females commit suicide; while for young adults ages 20 to 24, seven times as many males as females commit suicide.

Patrick Mainda, a member of the Kenya Counselling Association, says suicide is as old as humanity, and that it is “a dormant issue waiting for a circumstance to trigger it to explode”.

“There is need to seek help if need be,” says Mainda.

FLEETING THOUGHTS

His counselling colleague Alice Bitutu says people under pressure to succeed in something are likely to have a suicidal mind.

“Some of the cases we receive are of university students who were either forced to take a certain course by their parents, while others contemplate suicide after becoming pregnant while still in school,” Bitutu told DN2

Suicidal persons feel that there is no other answer to their problems, observes Beuttah Masese, a teacher and counsellor at a city secondary school. The mother of a son who was once suicidal explains that while fleeting morbid thoughts are common, anyone can have a suicidal feeling.

“Major life transitions, such as leaving home, may exacerbate existing psychological problems or trigger new ones,” says Dr Elvis Kirwa, a psychiatrist. Leaving family and friends can deepen depression and (or) increase anxiety.

Brian Bii was 21 years old and studying at the United States International University, Nairobi when he committed suicide in 2012. His mother, Pamela, was in agony for months as she had never thought her son could ever do that, but she has healed from the heartache over time.

Today Pamela champions closer relations between parents and children to curb this problem. “We will not save lives by burying our heads in the sand and sweeping suicide under the carpet,” she says. “We must talk about what is killing our children... your child should not just be a number, a statistic. What happened? It is wrong to keep quiet about it, there is no shame about suicide.”

“Suicide is not an option”, says Eng James Leiyan, whose medic brother hanged himself. “This type of mindset needs to be avoided through closer and encouraging discussions among ourselves.”

James argues that the numbers are this high because many a times we do not listen to ourselves, other people, our family, or even our employees. “How, then, do you expect them not to get frustrated and have suicidal tendencies?” he wonders.

However, the University of Nairobi Staff and Student Peer Counsellors sheds some rays of hope on the subject. Many young people are reaching out and asking for help, says Wilson Odongo, one of the counsellors, and this is “very encouraging”.

The World Health Organisation decries the fact that despite the alarming findings on the prevalence of suicide, it often fails to be a prioritised public health problem globally, and that those who seek help are often not provided with effective and efficient help.

That begs the question: is Kenya handling this problem with the concern it deserves?

MEN AT RISK

Men more suicidal that women

One in 15 Kenyans has seriously considered suicide. Throughout the world, approximately 2,000 people kill themselves every day.

Hanging is the leading method of suicide worldwide, and men hang themselves more often than women. Although women attempt suicide about three times more often than men, their male peers complete suicide about three times more often than them.

In China, someone takes his or her life on average every two minutes. China accounts for nearly a quarter of the global total of suicides, with between 250,000 and 300,000 deaths a year.

Most Kenyans who successfully commit suicide are men, whose leading cause is love problems. Most of them are in their 20s.

In the Bible, only seven instances of suicide are reported in the Old Testament, and one in the New Testament. Old Testament suicides include Samson, Saul, Saul’s armour bearer, Ahitophel, Zimri, Razis, and Abimelech. In the New Testament, Judas Iscariot is the only recorded suicide. 

Although the Bible does not specifically prohibit suicide and there is no particular advice for the act itself, Christianity generally condemns the practice as initially stated by St Augustine in AD563, when the Council of Braga officially condemned taking one’s life.

The Quran forbids suicide as the gravest sin, more serious even than homicide. Muslims believe that each individual has his or her kismet or destiny, which is preordained by God and must not be defied.

 Divorced or single people are three times as likely to commit suicide as people who are married, sccording to Science Medical Journal. Moreover, children of divorced or single parents are at a higher risk of committing suicide when they grow up. Divorced and separated men are two-and-a-half times more likely to commit suicide than their married colleagues.

Signs of a suicidal person

•  Depressed mood

•  Change in appetite or weight

•  Talk about suicide, death or having no reason to live

•  Preoccupation with death and dying

•  Withdrawal from friends or social activities

•  Loss of interest in hobbies, work, school, etc

•  Giving away prized possessions

•  Taking unnecessary risks

•  Increased use of alcohol or drugs

Why most kill themselves

•  Love issues

•  Financial problems

•  Bullying in school

•  Regrets of wrong choices

•  Lack of a listening ear

•  Too many expectations on them

•  Failure, or fear of failing

•  Terminal illnesses

•  Losing a job

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FINAL NOTES

Goodbye, and so long: Ten famous farewell notes

Please leave the room if this will affect you.

Pennsylvania State Treasurer Budd Dwye while killing himself on Live TV in 1987.

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My work is done. Why wait?

George Eastman, founder of Eastman Kodak and roll film inventor, in 1932.

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I must end it. There’s no hope left. I’ll be at peace. No one had anything to do with this. My decision totally.

Freddie Prinze, comedian, in 1977.

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Dear World, I am leaving you because I am bored. I feel I have lived long enough. I am leaving you with your worries in this sweet cesspool. Good luck.

George Sanders, British actor, in 1972.

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No more games. No more bombs. No more walking. No more fun. No more swimming. 67. That is 17 years past 50. 17 more than I needed or wanted. Boring. I am always bitchy. No fun for anybody. 67. You are getting greedy. Act your old age. Relax, this won’t hurt.

Author Hunter Thompson, in a note to his wife Anita after weeks of pain from a host of physical problems that included a broken leg and a hip replacement, in 2005.

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When I am dead, and over me bright April / Shakes out her rain drenched hair / Tho you should lean above me broken hearted/I shall not care./ For I shall have peace. / As leafey trees are peaceful / When rain bends down the bough. / And I shall be more silent and cold hearted / Than you are now.

Sara Teasdale, a poet, in a suicide note to a lover who had left her, in 1933.

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In living colour, you are going to see another first.

Talk show host Christine Chubbuckn while killing herself on Live TV in 1974.

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The future is just old age and illness and pain. I must have peace and this is the only way. James Whale, film director, in 1957

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I don’t believe that people should take their own lives without deep and thoughtful reflection over a considerable period of time.

Wendy O Williams, punk rock performer, in 1998.

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Depression! Many thanks to all my friends. Many thanks to Professor Felice Lieh-mak. This year has been so tough. I can’t stand it anymore. Many thanks to Mr Tong. Many thanks to my family. Many thanks to Sister Fei. In my life I did nothing bad. Why does it have to be like this?

Leslie Cheung Kwok, Hong Kong film actor and musician, in 2003.

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Gone too soon: Some Kenyans who have committed suicide in recent times

 Ms Pamela Jaoko K’Ouko, 50, a zoology lecturer at Maseno University, in 2013

 George Muragu, 23, a University of Nairobi student, in 2014

 Judy Nyanchama, 16, a Form Three Student at Marindi Sec School, in 2015

 Cleophas Wasonga, 29, a Maseno University student, in 2015

 Annete Wambua, 12, a Daylight Academy, Sondu student, in 2014

 Grace Mukami Njuguna, 22, a Kenyatta University student, in 2013

 Kevin Kipkurui, 22, a Jomo Kenyatta University of Agriculture and Technology student, in 2015

 Brian Bii, a United States International University student, in 2012

 Victoria Nyambura Muchiri, 24, a Ohio University, US, student, in 2014

 John Mwiti, 32, CEO Delvic Insurance Brokers, in 2013

 Jane Kilome, 21, a Kenyatta University student, in 2014

The unlikely global candidates

 Adolf Hitler, German leader, in 1945

 Robin Williams, Oscar Award-winning comedian, in 2014

 L’Wren Scott, model, fashion designer and costume designer, in 2014

 Lee Thompson Young, American actor most known for his role on the Disney Channel television series The Famous Jett Jackson, in 2013

 Tony Scott, British film producer and director, in 2012

 Hunter S Thompson, American author and journalist, in 2005

 Jovan Belcher, Black American Football player, in 2014