What you need to know:
- A man can easily go into depression if he is constantly feeling unimportant because of what he does or the kind of job he holds.
- Maintain a balance by looking for special opportunities to seek his opinions and advice even as you carefully evaluate his ideas.
- Feeling sexually desired is by far, the most important factor in sexual satisfaction among men.
Admiration is a critical element that determines how men turn out in relationships. This is according to Dr. Gary Smalley, a psychologist and the author of Hidden Keys of a Loving, Lasting Marriage. Dr. Smalley says a man can leave a relationship or cheat because of a lack of admiration from their partner. This is because men tend to gravitate towards those who admire them. If he does not feel admired in his relationship, he will easily walk out the moment he encounters another woman who throws herself on his feet in praise and admiration.
The fear of failure
According to Dr. Chris Hart, a psychologist and the author of Single and Searching, men harbor fears that require a woman’s assurance to overcome. No matter how vigorously they beat up their chests, men are insecure about their sexual desirability. “Your man will be more likely to commit to you if he feels that you think he is the most attractive man in the world,” says Dr. Hart. Additionally, a man’s life is usually dominated by the need to win in the world of men, and quite often, men feel women do not understand what winning means to them or make them feel that they are winning. “Ultimately, it is because women are only interested in successful men. Despite the tall dark and handsome attributes, a real turn-on is a man who is respected by other men, a man who is succeeding in his job or business and who is socially admired,” he says. His sentiments resonate with Dr. Smalley who notes that nothing will destroy your man’s self-esteem more than for him to hear you looking down on his efforts. “A man can easily go into depression if he is constantly feeling unimportant because of what he does or the kind of job he holds. It is your obligation as his partner to help him discover the value of what he does,” he says.
Nonetheless, according to psychologist Patrick Musau, there is a limit to the kind of admiration you should offer. While admiration and the need to feel needed rank high on the list of things men want in a relationship, women should not allow themselves to get polarised to a point of praising zero work or losing their sense of identity and independence just to keep a man. “They must guard against slipping into a position where they become parents to their men,” he says. The admiration goes hand in hand with desirability, particularly sexual desirability. According to psychiatrist and psychoanalyst Dr. Grant Brenner, feeling sexually desired by their women is of utmost importance to men. “Feeling sexually desired is by far, the most important factor in sexual satisfaction among men. Most men consider it as important as eating and sleeping,” he said.
When it comes to critical decisions in the relationship or marriage, be open-minded. Develop a capacity to restrain from shooting down every suggestion or decision he makes or stubbornly holding onto your own wishes and forcing them down his throat. Dr. Smalley says the only way you can accord his manliness admiration is by showing regard for his input without overdoing it. “Over-doing it will indicate that you are becoming too dependent and uncreative. Maintain a balance by looking for special opportunities to seek his opinions and advice even as you carefully evaluate his ideas. This will communicate to him that you consider him valuable, need him, and admire him,” he says.