Wafula Chebukati is our living Field Marshal Dedan Kimathi
Former IEBC Chair Wafula Chebukati during the launch of the post-elections evaluation report at Safari Park Hotel on January 16, 2023.
The hustler government wishes to thank members of the public who have brought to our attention the noise pollution emanating from certain quarters calling for the dragging of Wafula Chebukati through a tribunal over his conduct during his six-year stint as chairperson of the Independent Electoral and Boundaries Commission (IEBC).
We would like to reassure all hustlers that we’ve since asked Nema to look into the source of that growing noise, as we wouldn’t want anything to disturb the sleep of retired Kenyan heroes.
The government has been forced to take this drastic step to shield Mr Chebukati from the lynch mob currently circling over his head in the guise of looking for evidence of electoral malpractices when everyone can see that he wasn’t created in the image of an IEBC server. In six months’ time, we will form a commission of inquiry to look into the role of Kinoti in all this.
For six years, Mr Chebukati has risked his life working in the trenches with comrades in the IEBC freedom struggle who are passionate about changing the electoral systems of this country to reflect the wishes of hustlers who love God and His chosen generation.
Electoral apartheid
Like his role model Nelson Mandela, Mr Chebukati has consistently been incarcerated by overzealous state agencies unhappy with his firm stand against electoral apartheid that favoured only members of Kenya’s dynasty whose mission has been to convert Kenya into their village tuck-shop.
Had we not had the sons of Mau Mau on our side to teach him how to survive without food and water, veteran Chebukati wouldn’t have been here today to tell our grandchildren the tale of Kenya’s freedom struggle.
For shedding his blood at Bomas, Mr Chebukati has earned himself a special place on the Heroes Wall at the New Uhuru Gardens.
Our children must be told of the hero who saved this country from a state of near collapse. Through his solo acts of courage in the last quarter of 2022, Mr Chebukati singlehandedly brought down the rising cost of living, extended the Kenyan shilling’s shelf-life against the dollar, and helped Christians in Kenya locate the magic hand of God. We would’ve formed a church to worship his heroics had we not been reminded there’s only one God and his prophets in the hustler government are well known.
While other countries are fighting to own Nelson Mandela, Kenyans are lucky not to share Wafula Chebukati without whom hustlers wouldn’t have tasted freedom from the 59-year rule of dynasties.
As other nations still wait for Moses to come out of the burning bush and deliver them from bondage, Kenyan hustlers are already in Canaan wiping our stomachs with Hustler Fund as we wait for the Bible to come down from the podium in Kasarani and give us jobs in six months.
We thank Kericho Senator Aaron Cheruiyot for immortalising Mr Chebukati and calling for the amendment of the National Honours Act to create a special category in honour of our living legend.
As a result of his revolutionary suggestion, the sons of Mau Mau have already requested the government to replace the story of Dedan Kimathi with that of Wafula Chebukati in our history books. It’s the least they can do to honour the struggles of the man who almost died for our children to live in a better Kenya where hustlers aren’t judged by the colour of their academic certificates or the evasion of their taxes.
As the Kikuyu Nation organizes a mega thanksgiving service in Mt Kenya this weekend, we request President William Ruto to spare some time off his busy schedule to lay the foundation stone towards the construction of a Chebukati statue overlooking Mt Kenya.
In Chebukati, sons and daughters of Mau Mau have found Dedan Kimathi’s successor. Never again will we be mocked for not knowing where our freedom hero is sleeping.
