Landlords must now give us one full year to pay rent
Tenants struggling with rent are also being encouraged to alert their landlords that if they see us delaying with the rent, they can switch on their television to hear the President ask for the one year extension to deliver.
President William Ruto has asked those intending to buy food at affordable prices to give him one more year to get down to work.
Kenyans had been tempted to ask why it would take such a long time but they’ve been reminded the Man of God might be speaking from 2 Peter 3:8: “But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day.”
In President Ruto’s world, one year can even be tomorrow. In 2017, he had promised to build the historic Kamariny stadium in six months but sent graders to peel away the playing surface in less than three months. This is a man who knows the value of keeping election promises, albeit in his mouth.
Those criticising the President for giving empty promises don’t know the extent of the stench he inherited from the previous regime. Kenyans remain indebted to President Uhuru Kenyatta for making his Deputy jobless so he could spend more time sleeping hungry with us in the trenches.
God-fearing man
Being rendered jobless taught him to be humble. You can tell from the way he was respectful towards his boss even when his children were fired from government for associating with him. Kenya is lucky to have such a God-fearing man leading the nation. There are countries who would kill to have a President who consults the Bible more times than his economic advisers.
Those saying they have no time to wait for commodity prices to go down are encouraged to stop making friends with alcohol and start loving the Bible. In Mathew 25:29, we’re reminded that “for whoever has shall be given more. Whoever does not have, even what they have will be taken from them”.
It’s in the spirit of that Holy Scripture that Kenyans who don’t have anything are being encouraged to give the President whatever he needs to help him buy more time. They should feel free to be left with nothing since political research has found that it’s scientifically possible to buy food with election promises.
Tenants struggling with rent are also being encouraged to alert their landlords that if they see us delaying with the rent, they can switch on their television to hear the President ask for the one year extension to deliver. If landlords haven’t doubted the President with his big promises, they have no reason to doubt us with our small ones.
Post-election jamboree
Farmers have also not been left behind in this post-election jamboree. Starving Kenyans have been encouraged to get in touch with farmers who have just benefitted from fertiliser subsidy. We expect them to be giving us food on credit for one year, upon which we shall review our promise to pay them their dues.
As for the members of the opposition asking how long it takes for the President to put the Bible down, we would like to remind them that the Bible is not a stone to be thrown aimlessly around. The President has to take his time returning the Bible to the altar. We’d rather he breaks his promises than his arm, which we expect him to use to crack down on state capture.
And here is a little news to those asking the President to fire his team of advisers – if there’s anywhere the advisers are going, it is to State House where they belong. That team has been carefully assembled from among the crop that went to blue-chip economics schools. Believe them when they tell you the President is more popular than ice cream right now.
Those crying that they don’t have money are advised to break into their food kitty for internet bundles to watch this space.
The government promises to add them money if they save with NSSF.
