Hustlers will not tolerate those doubting KCSE results


Education Cabinet Secretary Ezekiel Machogu makes his remarks during the release of the 2022 Kenya Certificate of Secondary Education (KCSE) exam results on January 20, 2023 at Mitihani House.

Photo credit: Francis Nderitu | Nation Media Group

It has come to the attention of the Hustler Government that some public intellectuals are casting aspersions on the integrity of the KCSE exam results for the class of 2022.

We’re still processing the shock that there exist people in this country who are sad that the children of hustlers are happy.

In order to get to the bottom of this matter, we have since ordered the Directorate of Criminal Investigations (DCI) to launch an investigation into who has been poisoning the minds of the children of the dynasty, because this jealousy is beyond the workings of George Kinoti.

Five months ago, when we said we shall deal with the rising cost of getting A’s immediately we put the Bible down at Kasarani, many education experts bungee jumped from one studio to another accusing us of taking religion too far and building hustler mansions in the air.

Instead of answering our question on who’s having the last laugh, they’re now shifting goalposts by asking us to form a committee to investigate why children of hustlers are all over the media celebrating the fruits of their government’s labour.

It’s amazing that since we went to the polls five months ago, there are still pockets of non-believers rearing their heads in the media doubting that God can provide straights A’s for children of hustlers who neither sow nor reap good grades. They are advised to read Mathew 6:26-27 to acquaint themselves with our miracle-working God, and afterwards go out and spread the gospel to all Nations.

Knec prophets

There are many people in this country who would rather die than see hustlers happy. In their eyes, only they deserve to have children who know how to pass exams and when the Lord uses His prophets inside the Kenya National Examinations Council (KNEC) to remind them that all children were created in the image of God, they begin to cast aspersions on the integrity of His messengers.

The Bible reminds us in 2 Chronicles 36:16 to distance ourselves from those who mock God’s messengers and scoff at His prophets because He will be aroused against His people and there shall be no remedy.

With such a scary warning to evildoers, you’d think our competitors who don’t believe in God would hearken to the sound of the trumpets and apologise for not sending success cards to children of hustlers who wrote their KCSE exams last year. The Hustler Government is committed to winning more souls back to Christ by showing what He can do for children in poor schools.

As for those children of the dynasty who have been sending their friends in academia to incite the public against recognising the remarkable A’s that came out of Hustler Schools last year, we have news for you.

The National Cohesion and Integration Commission (NCIC) takes great exception with your clamour to have the Minister for Education be dragged to a tribunal to explain in diagrams why schools from where his umbilical cord was buried decided to kill the exams.

Since the Hustler Government is a government that abides by the rule of law, we asked the Attorney General to comb through the Constitution one more time to check whether anyone might have sneaked in a clause criminalising the happiness of KCSE students from the Hustler Nation.

He has reported back to base with the good news that the Constitution is cheerful when the government increases the happiness index of hustlers wherever they’re found.

Now that we have God and the Constitution on our side on this issue, we would like to inform children of the dynasty to wait for 2027 to try compete with children of hustlers on who can produce the most A’s again. We hope they’ll accept the results this time because we won’t accept a handshake since we aren’t Uhuru Kenyatta.