Why unpaid work must not be overlooked in relationships

In Steve Harvey's widely acclaimed relationship guide, Think Like a Man, Act Like a Lady, he offers valuable insights into the male perspective, providing practical advice for women to improve communication with their partners, helping them forge deeper connections.

However, this book overlooks a critical aspect that deserves attention: the significant role of unpaid domestic care and work in relationships and marriages.

In the Luo community, to which I belong, marriage is symbolised as dhi tedo, meaning "gone to cook”. This reflects the expectation that married women bear the social and cultural responsibility for all domestic tasks, not just cooking. Similar customs can be found in various Kenyan communities.

In fact, a white wedding is incomplete without the gifting of a cooking stick, a pot, and a ceremonious speech from the "Aunty wa keki" (the cake-cutting ceremony leader), urging the bride, Jackie, to "demonstrate how you will be feeding your husband, Jack."

Also read: Unpaid care work takes heavy toll on women

In today's world, some bold (and hungry) young men have posed the seemingly innocuous question to young women: "When will you cook for me?" This question carries significant weight and varying interpretations.

The recently released 2021 Kenya Time Use Survey Report by the Kenya National Bureau of Statistics (KNBS) sheds light on this "cooking" phenomenon, focusing on how Kenyan men and women allocate their time, including unpaid domestic and care work. This report also addresses the limitation in traditional economic measurements that often neglect unpaid household services.

Unpaid domestic and care work encompasses tasks like food preparation, dish-washing, cleaning and upkeep of the home, laundry, ironing, gardening, pet care. The report reveals that, on average, women spend about five hours per day on such tasks, nearly five times more than men, irrespective of their work status.

Overworked

This means that while Jack might occasionally lend Jackie a hand in the kitchen, he mostly awaits his meal in the living room. He might offer to "babysit" from time to time, posting a selfie on social media with words of praise for his heroic wife, but let's be clear, Jack, she's not a superhero; she's tired and overworked, and nobody compensates her for this unpaid labour.

According to the KNBS, this data carries immense significance for policies related to gender equality, family dynamics, social issues, transportation, culture, and the valuation of household production.

Recommended interventions involve labour policies supporting unpaid caregivers' workforce integration, family-friendly work arrangements, employment regulation, and equal pay for care workers.

According to the KNBS, these will free up women for paid work, contributing to poverty reduction and the country’s socioeconomic growth and development.

So, you see, Steve Harvey, as women think like men, and act like ladies, men should be thinking like ladies and acting like men. They can start by participating more in unpaid care work.

The writer comments on social and gender topics (@FaithOneya; [email protected])