Savouring solitude: Inside the mind of a lone diner
A lone diner. The first thing I noticed when I started dining alone was that after I took a seat, the waiters seemed to be waiting for someone else to join me before coming to my table to take my order.
What you need to know:
- The first thing I noticed when I started dining alone was that after I took a seat, the waiters seemed to be waiting for someone else to join me before coming to my table to take my order.
- That is unlike when I step into a restaurant with friends, in which case a waiter usually approaches us immediately to take our orders.
I regularly eat alone in restaurants in Nairobi’s CBD. The only thing I need before I step into a restaurant to enjoy my granola bowl with yoghurt, or a plate of sizzling fish and choice starch is enough money to afford what I want to eat. I mean, besides hunger and an appetite, I cannot really think of anything else that should decide whether or not I go into a restaurant for brunch or lunch.
The first thing I noticed when I started dining alone was that after I took a seat, the waiters seemed to be waiting for someone else to join me before coming to my table to take my order.
That is unlike when I step into a restaurant with friends, in which case a waiter usually approaches us immediately to take our orders. When dining alone, I also make the point of asking for the bill to be brought soon after my food arrives – because that was the other window to time-wasting.
Just last week, a waiter didn’t bring my bill on time and I had to pay at the counter on my way out. While apologising convincingly, she said, “Sorry, I was waiting for the person joining you so that I can do the bill once.” If I had not been in a hurry that day, I would have loved to hear the full story of the mystery person that was supposed to have joined me for lunch.
I got back to the office and shared that hilarious story with a colleague, the lifestyle editor, and apparently lone-dining is not as common as I imagine it is.
“Few people are comfortable eating alone in a restaurant,” she said.
“I mean, I understand the concept of lunch dates, eating with friends or family, and I do that often. But hunger is not always a collective feeling. I do not see how my hunger schedule will always be in sync with that of another person to ensure I always have company to a restaurant,” I said.
She told me to do a social experiment – find out in my circles, how many people ever go to eat at restaurants alone. After the fourth person told me they have never and would be too frightened to eat alone in a restaurant, I started suspecting I might actually be the weird one.
One of the friends I had told that I regularly dine alone in restaurants and I never think much about it sent me a link to an article that made me realise people who eat alone in restaurants are disproportionately mystified.
The article listed what it termed eight unique qualities of people who dine alone in public without feeling self-conscious. The list included qualities such as: being fearless of judgement, being comfortable with silence, a high level of self-awareness, and confidence. I agreed with the content in that article, as I imagine most people would. I had just never thought about my decision to step into restaurants and enjoy a meal alone whenever I need to, as anything more than a hungry person who needed to eat.
Well, I’d like to take the last paragraph to demystify the lone diner for you.
Just like sharing a meal with a friend where you catch up, and make merry and memories, lone dining, too, has its purpose. In my case, eating alone is an opportunity to fully take a break from everything, and recharge my social battery. I try not to carry books to restaurants, but I find that eating alone gives me a good chance to connect with my thoughts. It doubles up as an opportunity to check in with myself, with my thoughts, and with my feelings.
Think of it as a date with yourself. Some of my most profound journal entries are written while I am eating in a restaurant. The point is, for a lone diner like me, when making a decision to eat alone, proving a point to the world or showing how courageous I am, is not part of it.
The other major consideration I make when I choose to go for lunch alone is time. If you are dashing for a meal at the restaurant opposite your office alone, you do not have to worry about someone keeping you waiting. That gives you more control of your time because the only eating speed that counts is your own. So yes, when faced with tight schedules, I like to eat alone so that I can consciously manage my time.
Do you ever go to eat alone at restaurants? What are your reasons?
The writer is the Research & Impact Editor, NMG ([email protected]).
