In defence of lastborns: Setting the record straight

Lastborns are the butt of all jokes on social media. From memes saying we need emergency medical attention after washing ordinary utensils because we are lazy; to the one that says we cook rubbish; or we are always crying and complaining about our siblings to our parents; and telling tales about them. There is nothing lastborns are not guilty of!

I had a conversation with a colleague recently, and she is convinced that lastborns like being given stuff, but do not like sharing. This colleague, Anne, who is always teasing me for being a lastborn, had asked me to get her chocolate. However, she did not seem to have a lot of faith that I could actually use my money to buy her chocolate.

She was, therefore, pleasantly surprised when I actually gave her a piece of chocolate when she was done with her ‘smear campaign’ about lastborns!

Christmas clothes

Well, I do not entirely disagree that lastborns are unlikely to go out of their way for you, ‘unprovoked’ (insert a big laughing emoji from Snapchat). As a kid, my voice hardly counted – what with my older sisters towering over me! I watched what they were watching, hung out with their friends, and accepted the Christmas clothes they chose for us.

Today, I find that the older version of me tries to assert my autonomy. So, please, bear with us when we come off as ‘rebellious’ and ‘tired of your opinions’ – it is an attempt to show our ability to survive away from the shadows of others.

I hung out with my two older sisters three or so weeks ago. We played a few rounds of badminton, a game that was introduced to us by our dad when we were young – and he brought home two purple racquets and a white and purple shuttlecock.

Naturally, playing this game led us down memory lane, chatting about our favourite childhood memories. A key one was annual trips to the agricultural shows. Their eyes became round as saucers as they reminisced about seeing an ostrich egg for the first time – how big it was. While I remember going to the agricultural show at least once, I was too young to remember the details that mattered in that conversation.

Family treasure

So, I remained silent and listened to their conversation the way a stranger would. While I enjoyed listening to their stories, I was not fully part of this family treasure. By the time I was old enough, either my parents were too tired of waking up early to go to the shows, or money had found better use.

Whatever the case, I do not have any coherent memory of going to agricultural shows. So please, pardon me for not knowing the differences between a common quail and a big chick. The sad part is that this is not the only family relish where I get to listen as a bystander. I hope you have started seeing why lastborns are angry.

We are also accused of being attention seekers. Well, that is because we cannot get any attention without hunting for it, tooth and nail.  When our older siblings started going to school and getting sparkling grades, we were home taking porridge – nothing shiny about us.

We also did not have the privilege of being the honourable people who inaugurated our parents to parenthood, or the majestic second-born who arrived when your folks were still excited about ‘how different a second child’ could be. You now see that this attention-seeking is not for its own sake? So, the crying and telling tales is our chance to also occupy our parents’ headspace, you see.

Cook ugali

Well, about being lazy and not knowing how to cook. Surely, we were always credited with inferior culinary skills. My big sis tells me my mum taught her how to cook chapatti and ugali. I only started cooking chapatti two years ago – the shape of my chapattis still leaves a lot to be desired but bora uhai.

I learned how to cook ugali by accident, and rice via trial and error. I was self-taught – God bless YouTube.  I think that, unlike the firstborn, the excitement of training a child wanes by the time it gets to the lastborn.  So yes, we might not know how to do many things, especially in early adulthood but that is not through any fault of ours.

What other beef do you have with lastborns?

The writer is the Research & Impact Editor, NMG, [email protected]