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Domestic violence victim: 'Why should I be the one to move out?'
Domestic violence is common, with most victims being women.
What you need to know:
- Renee* has lived with her husband for 15 years; throughout the years, she says, only her efforts have enabled them to acquire their current property.
- They have three children; her husband offers crop spray services in Wote, their home village in Machakos County.
Renee* has lived with her husband for 15 years. Throughout the years, she says, her absolute efforts have enabled them to acquire the current property they enjoy.
They have three children. Her husband offers crop spray services in Wote, their home village in Machakos County.
In 2008, they got married and settled in her husband’s ancestral home in Kivandini, some 50 kilometres from their new home.
Two years later, her father-in-law bought five acres in the name of his son. He, however, handed over the land to Renee. She says he did so having witnessed her zeal in providing for their family.
She says her husband had inherited a small piece of land on which the family had planted a few mango and orange trees. She would sell them to buy food. Her husband wasn’t amused by his father’s action. Nevertheless, they moved to a family house that was already built on the farm.
From then on, Renee says she started planting mangoes, oranges and pixies using seedlings she collected from neighbour’s farms.
“Not a single day did he commit himself to farm work. Not even digging up the holes,” she says.
Whenever she asked for his help, he turned violent, beating her with anything his hands landed on, she says. He would later beg for his forgiveness and the cycle continued. Up to last May, Renee says she had at least 3,000 trees of mangoes, oranges and pixies on the three-and-a-half-acre farm.
The farm size reduced after he sold one-and-a-half acres in 2021 when she retreated to her paternal home after a domestic squabble that turned violent.
“It was in April 2021. He had harvested mangoes and placed them outside the house. I took them inside. That became an issue. He was irked. He roared: ‘Did I ask you to take away the mangoes? Who gave you the authority to disrespect me?’” she recalls.
Escape
He took a spade and brutally beat her. She escaped and found refuge in her paternal home in Mwala, where she stayed for the next seven months.
The following November, her husband visited her and pleaded with her to put behind their differences and return home.
She gave in and, together, they made their way back to the matrimonial home. Renee, being a Christian, hoped the spirit of God would touch and change him.
Sadly, not. The death threats remained constant and the beatings were occasional.
“I can’t understand why he mistreats me, yet I am the one who works so hard to keep the family going. He doesn’t even pay school fees for our children,” she says.
Early last month, he slept out, she says. On his return at night, she didn’t enquire about his whereabouts the previous night. There was a power outage at the time and the eldest son requested his phone to use the torch to run household errands.
Suddenly, a message popped up from a contact she claims was his lover as the content of the text suggested so. Her son showed her the message, but she remained stoic. However, her husband saw them read the message together. He kept his cool, just as his wife.
The following morning, Renee woke up at 3am to milk a cow she had bought two years earlier. It cost her Sh27,000, a collection of proceeds from her farming business. It produces six litres daily, out of which she sells four.
While busy at work, her husband ambushed her, took away her phone whose torch lit the cow house and attempted to strangle her. “He told me: ‘I have changed my initial plan of killing you slowly. I want to butcher you now,’” she says.
Renee fought him off and escaped to a neighbour, who notified the area assistant-chief. The local administrator warned him against abusing her. She wants him to be arrested, jailed and when released find a new home.
“I spent all my savings of Sh66,000 to enrol my son in Form 1. How will I start my life afresh with nothing?” she asks.
“It is illegal to cause anyone physical injuries and the assistant chief should enlighten him so. I have invested a lot in the farm. Why should I be the one to move away, yet he is the one causing me harm?” she asks.
“Furthermore, I’m the one using the resources to provide for our children, not him. So he should be the one to be arrested, jailed for his crimes and find another home when he is released.”
Dilemma
Renee brings out the dilemma intimate partners find themselves in when investments are involved and when one partner is at a greater disadvantage of losing all.
During the Covid-19 crisis when global and national rates of gender-based violence had risen beyond 30 per cent, many equality advocates proposed an approach to tackling the social pandemic.
That is removing the perpetrator from the environment where he causes harm and rehabilitating them. They argued that in many cases, their tendencies are a call for help as some may be projecting untold suffering or unresolved past trauma.
The Mobilisation Agency for Paralegal Communities in Africa Trust, executive director, Joyce Mulu, agrees that women bear the brunt of domestic abuse. “That is why it is very important to empower women to stand on their own,” she notes.
“The fight against domestic violence must go hand in hand with giving women the power to own property and make their own decisions,” she argues.
Wote assistant county commissioner Martin Kagucia notes that claim over land leads as a cause of domestic violence in the area.
“We continue to encourage families to solve disputes amicably. We also encourage community surveillance to prevent more cases of domestic violence. Let the people know that when you report a violation, it is for the greater good of your society,” he says.
*Name changed to protect her identity
