Defilement trauma: ‘I failed because that man messed me up’
A defilement victim. For Tari*, her school performance in school dropped drastically after she was defiled by an elderly man.
What you need to know:
- Tali* was defiled by an 82-year-old man.
- She suddenly changed from a bubbly girl to a reserved girl; whenever men visited our home, she would run into the house and lock it.
- According to counsellors, sexual violence has long-term effects on the survivors.
In February 2021, an 82-year-old man defiled Tali* in their village in Bumala, Busia County.
The old man had requested her to collect firewood for him. Out of respect, she did.
Upon delivery, he called her to the house to receive her reward of Sh10. Before she knew, the man had locked the house and defiled her. After the abuse, he warned her against reporting to anyone lest she would be cursed.
However, Tali shared her grief with a friend who frequently collected firewood for the man. She confessed to having been abused by the man several times, and each time he gave her Sh10.
For the next three months, she kept the secret to herself until her mother noticed her change of behaviour.
“She suddenly changed from a bubbly girl to a reserved girl,” her mother says.
“And whenever men visited our home, she would run into the house and lock it,” she adds.
For nearly a week, she cried every time her mother sought to find out her problem. She stopped pestering her, then a few days later, she opened up to her.
By this time, the Class Eight pupil had fallen behind in her school work.
“I wasn’t able to concentrate in class. I felt like everyone was laughing at me. I even stopped playing with my colleagues,” says Tali.
Punish men
Eventually, Tali scored 172 marks in her Kenya Certificate of Primary Education, a drop from her usual average score of 370.
“I failed because that man messed me up,” she says.
They reported the old man to the chief but he denied committing the crime and he was let free.
Now, in Form Two, Tali says she wants to be a lawyer so that she can punish all men who defile girls.
She says she doesn’t trust men, and hasn’t received any counselling to help her overcome the trauma.
It’s not only Tali suffering from the defilement trauma.
When we meet Mary*, a 16-year-old girl in Butula, Busia County on September 25, 2023, her mother says she often speaks to herself when walking or going about domestic chores.
“My child was defiled by her father when she was nine years old, and until now, things have never been the same again,” she says.
“She can suddenly burst into a frightening scream while on the road, saying she has seen her father’s ghost. Though he was jailed for 20 years, my daughter is not at peace. He destroyed my child,” says an angry Mama Mary.
According to counsellors, sexual violence has long-term effects on the survivors, hence the need to counsel them to enable them get over the trauma.
“I want people to know that rape, defilement or sodomy is the worst thing to do to a girl, woman, boy or man. It is like killing them over and over again,” said Getter Wasilwa, a clinical psychologist at Kenyatta National Hospital in an earlier interview.
She went on: “It is disastrous for a GBV survivor to get all other treatment except psychosocial support. Some become perpetrators. They want to pass the same bitterness to somebody else. If it’s a man, he becomes a rapist. If she is a woman, she becomes a rapist too.”
* Names changed to protect the survivors.
