You should be siding with your wife not your mother

If we’re being honest, the world at large spends far too much time on the royal family. The fact that it still exists as an all-powerful money-making vestigial system that is marginally relevant outside its own borders in 2021 is surprising to me— but may be it shouldn’t be, because, you know, imperialism. Everything about the ‘royals’, from watching the Crown to this week’s biggest news story, Harry and Meghan on Oprah, should be one of the last things on our minds.

That being said; the royal family, much like any other family, has a host of familiar problems, ranging from cutting off so-called disobedient heirs, to leery uncles who should be on a leash around town. Harry, is the so-called disobedient heir. Though he isn’t in direct line for the throne, he still bears a heavy mantle of having to act, look and appear royal – as if still in training for a chance, a possibility, that this could happen. He’s still a cog in the archaic wheel.

I’ve always liked Harry. He’s always done his own thing, living life as close to the borders of normalcy as his status allowed, crowning it with a marriage to someone the royal family clearly deemed unseemly. Whether Buckingham Palace admits it or not (they don’t need to, we know how they act towards outsiders: Diana, anyone?), it would appear that they did indeed make the courtship and marriage of this young couple, quite harrowing. And what I like about Harry most through this whole ordeal is that he continued to forge his own path.

Some quotes from the interview say that he’s always felt trapped, and sympathises with his father and brother, because their burden is much more than his. And when it came down to it, when it came to having to choose between his wife and his family, he chose his wife.

Go Harry! Yes, by all means, applaud him, but keep in mind: this is actually what you’re supposed to do. When you get married, you are creating a new family, a family that is now your main priority. Not that you abandon your old one, obviously, but your new one comes before your old one, unless of course it is abusive and that is a whole other article. You have no business being married, none at all, if you can’t protect your spouse, from your relatives. That is one of your main responsibilities.

You see it all the time on this side of the pond. An easy example is a new bride in the mother-in-law’s home. The bride is usually getting walked over, flat as a doormat, going through some weird hazing rights by a mother who has not realised that she cannot marry her own son. You know how some mothers get— so possessive over their sons who are their golden children. And so, life becomes difficult for this unassuming bride, as if she fell in love with herself, and proposed also.

And what does the husband do? Most times, he is also acting like his mother’s husband. Telling his new bride that that’s how his mom is, and she should respect her before all else. Well how about the vows they said to each other that said, forsaking all others? Nowhere in those vows said anything about becoming a slave to your mother-in-law Electra complex, please. I am frequently surprised that more husbands don’t get smothered to death by their poor wives, always in competition with their mothers – oh, my mother makes soup/matumbo/chapati/fruit salad differently, you should go learn from her. Abeg!

If you’re getting married, set boundaries. You’re the only one who can, and you and your partner need to do so on both sides. There are some things that should never fly – like talking about the skin colour of your unborn child, for example, or a family refusing to help the newest addition in her time of need. Harry and Meghan did the right thing. We can learn a thing or two about who you’re supposed to be siding with after the altar. Spoiler alert: it’s your partner.