Why men use alcohol as a substitute for sex

The family decided to take Tony to an alcoholic rehabilitation centre. He had become a total wreck in the previous two years. He lost his job because of drinking and his wife was now threatening to divorce him. His father stepped in to help and agreed with the rest of the family to have him admitted to a rehabilitation centre.

Tony did not mind the rehab, but on their way to the rehab centre, he convinced his father to pass through the Sexology Clinic. 

"He says he would like to talk to you, that you could be having the key to unlock his tribulations," his father explained after they settled in the consultation room. 

"At your service sir," I said, encouraging Tony to pour out his heart.

He was 36 and married to a 32-year-old woman. They had been in marriage for seven years and had two children. 

"My father does not know this but my alcohol problem started when I started having sex problems," he explained. 

Incidentally, Tony had been having premature ejaculation after which he would fail to get another erection. The problem seemed to be worsening over time.

"You see, when I was young I would ejaculate very fast then continue with the activity but these days the erection fails after," he said.

"I see but that does not explain your alcohol addiction," I replied. But what about his alcoholism? 

"I realised that if I took some alcohol, I would last longer. This made me keep booze in the house and soon I started drinking every day," Tony explained.

Over time, the alcohol took a hold of Tony and worsened his sexual problems. "Now I drink not because of sex but because I would go crazy if I don't," he says. 

Tony was going through an experience that many people with sex problems go through. They take alcohol to help them relax and get the courage to face a failing sexual performance. Initially, it may appear that the alcohol is helping. With time the problem gets compounded. It is important to note that although alcohol can initially erase thoughts of sexual failure and make one courageous, it soon knocks out nerves that stimulate sexual organs, and impotence sets in. 

But alcohol abuse is not the only habit people escape because of sexual failure. Some become violent to keep their partners off. They always blame their bosses for giving them too much work while others feign illness. Headache is the commonest of the fake illnesses people complain of. Then some resort to exercising. They outdo themselves hoping that their bedroom action will improve. They add on a special diet, or sometimes concoctions believed to have medicinal value. 

A number get admitted after feeding on huge portions of garlic, aloe vera, and various other herbs and nuts. One man was reported to have died after eating over 20 raw quale eggs. 

"So although my family has decided that I got to rehab I think it won't help unless my sex problems are resolved," Tony said. His father was mesmerised as he had not imagined that Tony was going through such deep personal problems.

"I presume your wife wants to leave, not just because of your alcohol problem but also because sex has failed," Tony's father said looking rather agitated. Tony nodded, his fingers markedly shaking. He was severely addicted, hence the finger tremors. He had not been intimate with his wife for two years.

Alcoholic rehabilitation was the first step into Tony's treatment. Once one is hooked to alcohol or any other drug of addiction, the priority is to get them off the addiction then treatment of the sex problems can follow. We, therefore, had to wait for four months for Tony to go through rehab. We had to involve Tony's wife in the treatment too. When sex fails, both parties concerned go into distress. Treatment must therefore involve both to alleviate the emotional and psychological impacts of the sex issues. Couple therapy is very important as part of the treatment. Tony also underwent conventional treatment for premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction. 

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