Thoughts of my wife cheating with a GSU officer pain me, please help

My wife cheated on me with a GSU officer in December 2021, yet I am faithful to her. Since then, I have been feeling a lot of pain and stress.

I have not forgotten nor forgiven her, but I’m not ready for revenge. Now, when I see my wife I get mentally sick. Advise me.

Aggrieved, Nairobi.

Readers’ Advice

Tongue and mind are powerful weapons. You can divorce her and move on peacefully. Contemplating harm against her is not the right way. Most importantly, remember your kids still need you and if you can’t cope with the fact that she cheated on you, end the relationship without causing her any harm.

- Victor Odumbe

It happened to me, my man married a GSU too because ‘I was just a housewife’, so I left that marriage. First I had to accept, to forgive. Changed the surrounding for healing, today am in a peaceful mood, running a business, getting calls how they're in a toxic marriage, his finding a way to apologize for reconciliation but I moved on, above all God is good

- Avalyne Wafubwa

These things happen. Stop dwelling on it, forgive her and go on with life.

- Razna Adnan

What made her cheat in the first place? You might be the problem. I can't conclude before hearing from her, I am sure something happened and it's payback time.

- Rhoda Musembi

Go for a second wife, peace will be back without a hassle.

- Eugene Elisha

Expert’s take

It is always unfortunate and hurtful when someone like your spouse breaks your trust.

The untold truth is that regardless of how we behave in the context of being faithful, it is not guaranteed that others will live up to our expectations.

It has been a year and punishing her is also punishing yourself. You need to decide whether to forgive her or leave the marriage.

Revenge or any other negatively driven agenda will not undo or make you feel better. Two wrongs, despite the temptation, do not mend the past. Staying in your marriage in your current mindset has only manifested resentment.

 It is not healthy for your peace of mind, which should trump everything else. You need to decide on whether your marriage is worth restoring or not.

But status quo energy will drive you off the rails with no prospects of harmony between the two of you.

Next week’s dilemma

I have been married for 15 years. My wife and I loved each other dearly during our first years of marriage. She was the good wife that every man could wish for.

By then (2016), she was jobless. Then she got employed in a certain saloon in Diani where she met a female friend and everything changed. We started having constant squabbles.

In the same year, she got another job in one of the big hotels in Diani and our relationship got worse. She would disappear from home and return after four days. She did that three times.

I came to find out she had a secret mzungu lover whom whenever she was home early, she would video call him.

Shockingly, I also learnt that she bought a sex toy, it really broke my heart. I loved her, but now we are separated. She decided to part ways with me although I wanted us to settle the issue.

She never listened to me and now I am depressed. Kindly help.