What you need to know:
- Don’t date a man who clearly can’t or won’t be tied down to you and then later complain that he hurt you, wasted your time or spent the money you threw at him trying to win him over.
- Date him if you want to but if things fall apart, as they will, be a big girl about it.
If the world was a perfect place, we would all date people who are available, able and willing to commit to us. Heck, we would all marry our first love. But the world is far from perfect and we all know how the first love goes.
And now we have women enamored with unavailable men; men who are attached to other women, men who are not emotionally mature and men who just do not want to commit to something as involving as a relationship.
Of course you are free to date whoever tickles your fancy and we all know how futile and exercise it is to try and talk a woman who thinks she is in love, out of a relationship.
So date whoever you want but don’t whine about the limitations that come with dating unavailable men. No one wants to hear about how Johnnie has been dating you for six years but won’t leave that woman. Don’t date a man who clearly can’t or won’t be tied down to you and then later complain that he hurt you, wasted your time or spent the money you threw at him trying to win him over. Date him if you want to but if things fall apart, as they will, be a big girl about it.
I am not sure how many times this needs to be said but leave children out of these arrangements. Children do not accelerate feelings; neither do they cement relationships. So do not have a child waiting for some sort of magic. Chances are that you will raise this child alone or this arrangement will be upgraded into co-parenting. A child will not make him available.
“But we have such strong chemistry,” a woman will say when confronted with the possibility that her relationship with an unavailable man may not be real. Of course there is usually chemistry, the sexual kind. If he has told you he can’t be with you for this or that reason but he keeps seeing you, then it should be no surprise that he is physically attracted to you. It should be a problem, however, if your feelings become more than a sexual chemistry. This is usually the beginning of heartbreak and should be the sign for you to run.
This last one goes to the side chicks. You, know the girls who agree to be with men who are committed to other women. This here is the definition of getting a raw deal because emotionally and physically, he is taken.
Being in this kind of an arrangement is a waste of time unless you get something out of this relationship. Because it obviously will not be his time, his genuine emotion or even his name, maybe have him grow you in some way. Have him mentor you, use his connections and networks to get ahead. Get something from him.
To be honest, this sort of relationship can’t have a happy ending. So enjoy it when it lasts but keep your options open. Don’t waste time trying to commit to someone who will not commit to you.