How to get dumped like a champ

Ouch, a break-up really hurts as a man, but you need to move on. Photo | Photosearch

What you need to know:

  • Men don't handle getting jilted well. A study by Binghamton University, New York found that while breakups hit women most emotionally, men don't recover or heal from the after-effects of getting dumped, rather they just move on

We all have different problems but some challenges are more difficult than others. A challenge I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy is being the spouse of a politician. I would rather mop the Indian ocean, wear "tano tena" underwear, or throw stones at GSU officers while singing Nchi ya Kitu Kidogo or worse

spend a weekend in Industrial Area Police Station than marry a politician. 


Why? Beyond the money and influence, their lifestyle is not for me. I can't imagine hosting church leaders from Kanjuri, somewhere deep in Karatina at 4 am because they have to talk to Mheshimiwa and they don't care about my schedule. 


Or hosting gazillions of women groups who want to fundraise for the next PCEA project (PCEA folks should add 'expert fundraiser' to their CVs because how does one church always have so many ongoing projects?) These guys will be great at helping Kenya get more Chinese loans because you know what? Necessity is the mother of invention.


In the recent past, a relationship drama has played out online. A senior politician and his wife broke up. There was initially no announcement but they were forced to make a statement after his ex-wife started being spotted socially with a certain musician. I won't name names, but I am sure you follow. 

Their social media statements were worlds apart. His was a political statement with a shot at public relations, of 'It's all good and no further comments, thank you' speech. 

Well, hers was less peace and love and more of; "I dumped him and I'm living my happily ever after." It was there for all of us to decode. A little while later, the musician reported that he had received threats and had been warned against posting photos of himself with the said politician's wife, presumably because it was embarrassing the said leader as the online world mocked him and largely supported the artiste. 


The breakup sparked a lot of conversations especially on how well we handle break-ups as men. 

Some men took to advising the artiste, that he should be careful and that he shouldn't be with a powerful man's ex-wife because he may be harmed. Wise men from the East once said "ukiwachwa wachika" but it seems that people don't know how to apply that advice. 

Getting dumped is terrible. Add that on to the visibility accorded online depending on your level of influence, and it really starts to get to you. On top of everything imagine that your partner has equal visibility and is using the platform to drive home the fact that she has moved on, and you may find yourself wishing for an exit from this world. 


Men don't handle getting jilted well. A study by Binghamton University, New York found that while breakups hit women most emotionally, men don't recover or heal from the after-effects of getting dumped, rather they just move on. This makes sense when I look at my friends. 


The pain is particularly compounded by the fact that men are the initiators of most relationships. They may pursue women who are beyond their league or those that play hard to get, and so when they get rejected it takes a hit on their ego which can lead to obsession if one is not careful.


I'm glad that I accept and move on swiftly after a rejection. I can't for the life of me imagine being that person issuing threats to my ex or anyone dating her. I'm not going to risk jail time over someone who clearly doesn't want me.


The best thing to do as a man when you've been dumped is to walk away with your dignity intact. You start to look really small when you're chasing her when she made it clear that she doesn't see you in her future. 


Find a rebound, start a hobby, call an ex who still fancies you or start supporting a real football team (Not Arsenal). If you are the man who is hurting her new boyfriend down, you're not only failing yourself but the whole of mankind. 


Don't be that man.


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