Health Matters :Yes, premature ejaculation traumatises women too

The first time I got to know Sylvia and George was through a phone call from a pastor. That was seven months ago. They had gone to the pastor's office for counseling because of a conflict that was threatening to break their marriage.

"We have now had five sessions of counseling but we are not making any progress," the pastor confessed. "The wife won't give her husband conjugal rights."

The pastor terminated the counseling and referred the couple to the Sexology Clinic.

George was a 30-year-old marketer in a petroleum distribution company while Sylvia, 29, was an administrator in an NGO. The couple had been married for three years and had one child.

Infidelity

"I have been victimised, called a bad wife and even accused of infidelity," Sylvia explained, "I do not care about these insensitive and demeaning accusations that my husband labels me as. I am done having sex with him."

"Then you should leave my house!" George screamed back, "I have never seen a woman who claims to be married denying her husband sex."

I needed to get to the root of the matter. With only three years in marriage and so bitter with each other, there was a deep-seated problem that needed to be resolved.

"So when did sex start becoming a problem in your marriage," I asked.

Ejaculation

Sylvia broke the silence and explained that sex had never been okay from the time they got married. Many times George ejaculated before penetration or in seconds.

"It is frustrating, I have complained severally but he is not interested in taking action," Sylvia said.

"What action? What do you expect me to do if that is how I am made? And why do you think you are normal?" George interrupted.

Interrogating George further, he was simply unable to control his ejaculation. He felt helpless and resigned to his fate. He did not know that medical help exists for his kind of problem.

I made a diagnosis of severe premature ejaculation. I classified it as the primary type of premature ejaculation. The secondary type is one that comes later in life when one has previously had a normal duration of sex.

The causes are quite different. The primary type is due to inborn errors of sex while the secondary type is due to some physical or psychological disease.

It is important to note that the sex partner of a man who has premature ejaculation is prone to many sexual, intimacy, and relationship problems. For one, being left in limbo during sex causes disappointment that with time grows into bitterness. The woman in such a situation is generally dissatisfied and does not look forward to it. With time she loses desire for intimacy and may slide into aversion.

Disconnection

When sex has become difficult in a marriage for whatever reason, other problems automatically follow. Couples disconnect emotionally, communication becomes difficult and within no time quarreling becomes the norm. If no action is taken, the marriage heads south.

I put George on treatment and coached the couple on how to restart their sex lives.

"I fear that I will be disappointed again and so I am a bit hesitant about resuming sex," Sylvia said.

I reassured her of the effectiveness of the treatment. We agreed that she would call or walk back to the clinic at any time if things were not working.

Sylvia called me a week later and said she saw no need for coming back to the clinic, especially because she was too busy at work. I wondered if my treatment had failed.

"I have had real and satisfactory sex the last few days, thank you so much," she said and hang up.