Children are unnecessary burden, I don’t want them

Photo credit: PHOTO/POOL

My name is Ebbie Weyime and I am 34. I live in Nyali Mombasa.

I graduated from Daystar University with a degree in public relations and marketing before I moved to South Africa (SA).

I lived in SA for six years doing modelling and acting before I returned to Kenya to start the Grace Cup and Mombasa Shelf, a recent business that I own.

Do I have children you ask? Thank God, No! I don’t, and do not intend to have any at any point in my life. I am a very happy, childfree African woman.

I tied my tubes in October 2020. I always knew I wanted to tie my tubes, but as you know, the usual dilly dallying, not really taking it seriously.

It was not until July 2020 when I found out that I was pregnant! I procured an abortion and exactly three months later, I underwent Bilateral Tubal Ligation (BTL). I did not want to risk another pregnancy. I already knew I did not want a child, so why risk it?

The abortion itself was already painful enough and I have shared the story on my YouTube channel The ChildFree Kenyan.

But don’t take this to mean that I hate children. Most people misconstrue being childfree to mean shushing away people’s children when they come close in a public place or something of the sort. Far from it. In fact, I love children a lot. But just because you like ice cream doesn’t mean you must buy an ice cream machine.

It’s not every woman’s dream to get pregnant, give birth or raise kids. Some, like me, naturally lack motherly instincts and that should be respected.

When I decided to tie my tubes, it was an extremely difficult conversation to have especially with my parents as you are well aware how African parents always expect their offspring to give them grandchildren. Then all of a sudden, you have this young beautiful woman telling you ‘No, I will not have any children!As you can imagine, it was a tight spot for me.

Choosing me

In fact, on the day I undertook the procedure, I slid out privately without telling my parents because they had already disapproved of it. If they knew it, they would even show up at the hospital to stop the procedure. I told them afterwards. I really disappointed them.

I know it is quite unfortunate that I turned out to be a huge disappointment but then it was a question of ‘Am I choosing me or am I choosing them?

I chose my happiness over theirs. They would undoubtedly have been ecstatic if I had a child but I would not have been happy having one. So I chose me and my happiness.

Society is always expecting you to be this or that and to do this or that … To be honest, I really don’t care what society thinks about me. I think that was part of my self-revelation. It was also partly the reason I discovered I was childfree; I let go of all societal expectations of me as a young African Kenyan woman.

About dating, yes I am dating. I am dating two men. I am non-monogamous which means that I do not believe in monogamy. I am not a believer of one man one woman so yes, I am dating two men and both of them are aware and they are okay with it.

Both men have kids but they do not want to have more. One has actually undergone vasectomy already, so he is sure of his choices. The other one for sure does not want children as well, so yeah, I am happily dating.

Assuming I was to perform my BTL while I was dating them, I would never have to ask permission from either of them. I have autonomy over my own body, so I do not need to ask my man whether or not I should do a BTL or pierce my ears.

In fact, when I had my abortion it was not even a matter of discussion. We were not discussing anything with the man I was dating at the time. It is my body, I get to decide.

I do not harbor any regrets at all about my choice not to have children. Actually, I keep saying one of the biggest and best decisions I made for 2020 was to tie my tubes because I now feel very free.

The other day, I was telling my friends that there is a store in a mall that I always pass by and I have never noticed that it sells baby stuff until recently. I think my mind automatically shuts down when it comes to baby stuff. I do not have to think of paying school fees. It’s sheer bliss!

I get a lot of women,including my age mates or even older, that come to my Instagram page – thechildfreekenyan – saying they didn’t know that this was an option, a choice.

There are also many women who feel like it is evil, it is bad, to not have motherly instincts or to not want to be a mother.

They come thanking me because finally, they can speak out and even if they do not want to speak out, they are relieved of the guilt of not wanting to be mothers; that it is completely normal.

It’s sad that we have so many women abandoning their children, others neglecting them because they felt they had to give birth.

My advice is, if motherhood is not for you just do not do it.