Heart Advice: My boyfriend of four years wants us to live together before we wed

 A woman holding her head in confusion. PHOTO| Photosearch

What you need to know:

  • We've been together for four years’ now
  • I feel like he's not sure about settling down with me.

My boyfriend wants to have a three-month live-in trial with me before deciding to marry me. Should I leave him? We've been together for four years now and I feel like he's not sure about settling down with me.

Please help.


Reader’s Advice

Hey Lucia, you have been together four years and he's still giving excuses for marriage? Men know what they want from the jump and you're not it sis. He's just tagging you along for his own benefits. If he's not sure about marriage, move on. Four years is too long to have a man who has not made up his mind about you.

Alvine Oria

How do you feel about this Issue of a trial marriage? Trial marriage is just that, a trial marriage. You can score a hundred percent in the trial marriage but fail miserably in your marriage. Marriage is dynamic, what you feel about marriage today is not necessarily what you will feel five years from today.

 You might want to have a premarital counselling session. It's true a certain level of Intimacy has to be achieved before the marriage vows are said so that you don't marry a total stranger. Whatever you decide, don't be forced to do what you are not comfortable doing.


If you have been together for four years and he still can't make a decision until you live with him, it's sincerely worrying. It will be interesting to know what is his motivation for such a choice but it's wrong (until he is prescribing for one year for that). His value system is seriously problematic and you need to lead him to know that what he's requesting is wrong and he wouldn't have it. I can assure you that he just wants to live like a husband while he is not married.


Leave him coz he wants to leave you. But before he does, he wants to be sure of some things that had never been clear to him in the last four years of dating. Just accept the challenge and be yourself, be open, and focus on your love for him. Fate can never be diverted.


You are wasting your time for nothing, my sister. Mind your own business because the guy will never marry u at all


If you have been with him for four years and won't marry you, kick him to the curve, there are many fishes in the sea.


Leave that man with immediate effect. The market of men and women never runs dry.... you’ll get someone who truly loves you


Expert’s Advice

Leaving him is an option though why not go along and see. My understanding of your situation is that he wants to see how living together will look like which is logical. Whether a delaying tactic or not, it is also your opportunity of witnessing his habits as you live out the trial. Despite being together for those years, it is advisable to drive test living together before fully committing to a union that will not last even if he were to marry you. You should not get married because of some social obligation fuelled by years together. You should decide to spend life together because you mutually want to be together. You can gain a title but not the man which means being in a marriage of convenience. Titles should not define your bond.


I am a cat lover and I have been keeping three of them for more than five years now. Recently, I started dating but my partner hates cats. In fact, when he visits, we end up quarrelling because of how he kicks and mistreats the cat. Two days ago, he sent me this text, “Choose between me and your cats.” I love my cats but I don’t want to lose my new relationship. What do I do?


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