In the words of poet Benedict Smith, "I wish I could write the way I think: obsessively, incessantly, with a maddening hunger. I'd write until I couldn't breathe." These words perfectly capture the essence of this captivating bi-weekly column.
Being single in Nairobi, often dubbed an extreme sport, consumes my mind with countless thoughts. It's an exhausting and maddening experience. However, dear reader, I want our relationship to start on a different note. So, let’s start from the beginning.
Years ago, I walked away from my ex-boyfriend, accompanied only by a pick-up truck packed with books, a mattress, and my newborn son. It was meant as a protest, to prove that material possessions held no sway over me.
I was mistaken in thinking I had to prove to the world that all I needed was love for myself and my child to start a new life. It was incredibly difficult to rise from the ashes of a broken relationship with only a mattress and a gas cooker to start me off. I might have left behind material things, but I carried with me the pain of a broken heart, betrayal, regret, murderous thoughts, jealousy and bitterness. I felt that I had wasted the best years of my life. And little did I know that my emotional baggage required far more space—a lorry instead of the meagre truck I chose. Only a lorry would have been enough for the emotional baggage I brought with me from the relationship.
That brief and traumatic relationship that left me feeling physically and emotionally violated now sets the standard for any man who enters my life. Isn't it peculiar how past traumas shape our perception of potential partners, sometimes overshadowing reality? It brings us to the truth that we see things not as they are, but as we are. This understanding has been pivotal in my healing journey from a broken heart. I’m sorry to the men I’ve judged by the standards of my last relationship.
Another lesson I've learned is the importance of opening my heart and mind to new ideas. I yearn for love and a caring partner. Hence, this year, I'm embracing a different approach. The first step involves delving into the realm of online dating. Yes, I acknowledge it's a jungle out there, but I'm prepared to embark on this thrilling hunt. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?
I’ve cast my net into the water and will come back with a report of how my fishing expedition went.
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