JUST BRENDA: I’m unlucky in love. Is there hope for me?

lonely woman

I won't lie to you relationships are hard. It isn't just you.

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Are relationships so hard or it just me? I can’t seem to keep relationships and I can’t seem to understand what is wrong. I even dared to ask an ex-boyfriend for feedback, but nothing. How else do I get to know what I’m doing wrong? Is there hope for me?

Unlucky in Love 

Dear Unlucky In Love, 

He, I won't lie to you relationships are hard. It isn't just you. We're all hurt and traumatised and unenthusiastic from something in our past, or fearful of the future. And these are the people we are also trying to date, all in this together.

The light at the end of the tunnel is that everyone feels exactly like you. Everyone who I talk to who wants to be in a relationship is finding it hard. But so are the people in relationships! Getting into them is hard. Maintaining them is hard. Being single is hard. Leaving something not meant for you is hard. Loneliness is hard. You have to pick your hard, and that's why it is called commitment. You're committing to a choice, to a decision you make, that will determine your own future. Everyone is kissing frogs by the dozens before they meet their one (and not that this is just one person). 

I love your bravery in asking your ex about what they think went wrong. That shows commitment in itself. Ask more people. Ask your friends. Ask yourself. Ask a therapist. 

There is always hope. Every action in the universe requires an equal reaction. There's no way we have all this capacity for love, and can't find somewhere to put it. Work on you, and work on the decision you make. You'll find what you're looking for.

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