Yes to being fed by a babe for the year!

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What you need to know:

  • Two days later, I received an invite for lunch from Njeri.


  • We went to a posh restaurant in Kilimani, which made me feel so out of place because the only restaurants I knew were Villarosa Kibandaski, Radisson Kadhufu and Sarova Kwa Mathe.


  • In my pocket I had exactly Sh0, but I had Sh700 on Mpesa and Sh300 fuliza limit. Who was going to pay for the meal? I didn’t care. 

I love my girls quiet, with honeyed voices, and Njeri, the girl next door, is one of such. One evening, my wingman, Psang, came to me looking gloomy.  “Chief, I have never seen you this sad. Have you undergone a vasectomy?” I asked him. “No, it’s Njeri,” he said, then informed me that he had been eyeing my Njeri. Unfortunately, he had seen her wrap her long, stringy arms around another muscular man, and he was devastated. For once, I had no advice for my wingman.

Two days later, I received an invite for lunch from Njeri. We went to a posh restaurant in Kilimani, which made me feel so out of place because the only restaurants I knew were Villarosa Kibandaski, Radisson Kadhufu and Sarova Kwa Mathe. In my pocket I had exactly Sh0, but I had Sh700 on Mpesa and Sh300 fuliza limit. Who was going to pay for the meal? I didn’t care. The guest of honor arrived wearing a shimmering silver dress. After some minutes of fumbling with forks and knives, I made it clear that I was done eating. I would just drink my wine. My stomach whispered, “What a fool!” 

When the waiter brought the bill, I had to step aside to control my heavy breathing. When I got back, I started searching my pockets, looking for a wallet I did not have. “We also take cards and Mpesa.” She smiled at me. As a senior unemployed comrade, I was sweating profusely. At the peak of my despair, Njeri smiled and said, “Usijali babe. Nitalipa.” I was called ‘babe’ and she was paying! Ha!

It was a relief and confusion at the same time. As we went home, she held my hand and we had delightful conversations. Turns out she was in first year and from a well off family. She said that she liked me, and in fact, she had prepared a song for me. As she sang it, her voice took me to a little heaven. I was ready to take a loan from China to pay her dowry and buy her father a plot in Kamulu.

“If you do not have cash, please tell me. I will be sending you Sh200 for breakfast every day,” she said. I was at a loss. If I agreed to this arrangement, I would definitely be a swindler. If I turned it down, she would think I was not into her. And I was. What did I do? Let me break it down. At Villarosa Kibandaski, two chapos and beans cost Sh70. With Sh200, I would have three meals a day, and remain with some change for mutura in the evening. Of course I accepted a first year’s offer to feed me, a fourth year student. Let’s just say some decisions are hard to make!

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