Good things come hard, so does true happiness

Relationships are often ruined by a few trivial habits, which are hard to change, even though you know you should change.

Only bad things happen quickly. Those events instantly change your life for the worse, such as an accident, losing a loved one, or hearing bad news from your doctor.

While the good things, all those things that really make you happy, take years to achieve. Like learning a new skill, building a relationship, or developing a new business.

This is why resilience, perseverance and determination are such important parts of your personality. Think how long it can take to find a job, or a spouse, and how easily they can be lost.

It’s difficult to hold onto an idea like this, because modern life’s built around instant gratification. Every billboard and advert is filled with happy smiling faces, and slogans implying you can be like them if only you use the right lotion or drink the right beer.

In fact, everything about modern life is calculated to keep you dissatisfied. Endlessly distracted by the lives of a few young and beautiful ‘influencers’ and forgetting your own achievements.

Forever trying to appear younger, while ignoring the benefits that come with age, such as experience, perspective and wisdom. Worst of all, if you only measure your success by your possessions and your appearance, then you’ll always be wanting something more.

Because real satisfaction never comes from owning things. It comes from doing things that are worthwhile. And they all take years. Things like studying for a degree, or building your career.

And from improving yourself. Like getting rid of bad behaviours, or improving your health. It’s here that we always want things to happen the fastest. But they never do.

Things like trying to drink less or exercise more. Or improving your diet. If you’ve ever tried to cut down, you’ll know just how hard it is.

Because all these things are habits. They’re basically driven by chemicals in our brain’s reward systems, and triggered by cues that lead you into the first step in the behaviour. Like how a cup of coffee after dinner makes a smoker think about lighting a cigarette.

You could just as easily develop a good habit, like reading more. But it’s amazing how it’s the bad ones that dominate our lives, and even wreck them.

The same is true in relationships. They are often ruined by a few trivial habits, which are hard to change, even though you know you should. And yet it feels like it should be simple.

So, if you really want to change, be prepared to work hard. As hard as, for example, learning to play a musical instrument. You’re going to have to figure out why you do the things you do, find better alternatives, and make them stick.

Which takes huge determination and perseverance.

So don’t give up too easily, because it’s only by working at the change that you will succeed. While if you only believe in the big chance, you won’t try hard enough to become the person you want to be.

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