Changing times as young Kenyans embrace polygamy
From celebrities like Professor Hamo to the late John De ’Mathew, polygamy is slowly becoming fashionable.
Is polygamy becoming more acceptable among younger Kenyans? Recent happenings are suggesting so, and what used to be the preserve of the older population is gaining acceptance across the social strata.
From celebrities like Professor Hamo to the late John De ’Mathew, polygamy is slowly becoming fashionable.
A few months ago, 35-year-old data specialist Abraham Mwangi stunned Kenyans after he disclosed how he lives happily with his two wives in their family home in Juja, Kiambu County.
In an interview with NTV, he left Kenyans dumbfounded when he revealed how his two wives – first wife Serah Wachira, aged 35, and 33-year-old second wife, Maurine Njeri – live harmoniously in the same house.
The co-wives, who were also present during the interview together with their children, claimed to love and support each other “as sisters”.
Mr Mwangi married his mistress-turned-second-wife in 2019 following marital strife with his first wife, who called him out over infidelity.
“I remember we had a disagreement with Sarah because I could sometimes get home late. I used to take Maureen on coffee dates. Our friendship blossomed over time and evolved into an affair. I was very confused when Maureen became pregnant in 2019,” said Abraham.
While Abraham and his wives reiterate through their YouTube channel that they are a complete and happy family, many have remained sceptical over their union, arguing that no two women sharing a husband can genuinely live happily, more so in the same house, as jealousy and competition is bound to constantly rear its ugly head.
Roller-coaster
Among those who advise against living with two wives in the same house is Wycliffe (not his real name), a 43-year-old electrical engineer who has been in a polygamous union for over a decade.
“Having two wives in the same house is suicidal; suicidal in the sense that yourself as a man will never have peace. The bad character traits which led you into marrying the second wife might be transferred to the second wife. The only advantage is that the kids tend to bond with each other 100 per cent. But it is not advisable at all during this era,” he says.
Wycliffe has built each of his wives their own homes in Ruai where they live harmoniously with their children. But he says it has been a roller-coaster ride.
Comedian Herman Kago alias Professor Hamo in 2018. He is openly polygamous.
While he does not regret how his life turned out, Wycliffe admits that at no time while growing up did he visualise himself becoming a polygamist.
According to the father of four, his marriage to his first wife was sheer bliss but took an unexpected twist. Not even intervention by parents from both sides would resolve the differences, leading Wycliffe to seek solace in alcohol as an escape strategy and later into the arms of his second wife.
“I never wanted to be polygamous but circumstances forced me to, though I do not regret it. My first wife at the early stages of marriage was such a wonderful wife. Suddenly, she joined some funny women peer group and started developing some character traits which I could not stomach,” he recounts.
“However hard we tried our seniors and our parents’ interventions bore no fruits,” he adds. “She was ready for war all the time and became a drama queen. This led me to become a drunkard as my only way to have peace. Eventually, she neglected both her bedroom and motherly roles.”
The couple already had two children when they fell out and Wycliffe was adamant that no other man would raise his daughter and son whom he loved dearly.
“By then, we had a daughter and a son who were so close to me and I never wanted my kids to be brought up by another man. So, I held onto that marriage to be there for my kids. I also got another woman to fulfil the roles I was not getting from my wife. Fortunately, the woman I got tried as much as possible to be the opposite of my wife,” he says.
Clandestine affairs
As opposed to most men who would prefer to keep their clandestine affairs secret only for them to be laid bare in a bitter, dramatic turn of events, Wycliffe was brave enough to face his wife and disclose that he had remarried.
Nothing had prepared him for the repercussions, as he quickly discovered.
“After I declared to her openly that I am married again, that transition to be with both of them has been so hot and unbearable. At one point I felt like dropping one but again I could not because firstly, I had already declared and respected the second lady as she made me feel like a man again. I had greatly reduced alcohol intake, courtesy of her, by 90 percent. Secondly, she was already pregnant with my son. Thirdly, the first wife did not change her rude ways and continued piling unnecessary pressure and stress on me. The second wife was my only source of happiness apart from my kids,” he recalls.
Eventually and although begrudgingly, his first wife adapted to the new family set-up.
Over time, Wycliffe has mastered the art of balancing and ensuring both his wives and their children remain happy and in harmony without any of them feeling slighted.
“I treat both families equally although the first wife, being the senior, always gets priority in whatever I want to do. Sometimes she gets a bit more of the lion’s share than the second one just to make her feel a bit senior and special for the sake of peace and harmony,” he says. “Whatever I do to the first wife, whom I always prioritise, I replicate the same to the second wife. However, when it comes to the children, all are equal. I love and treat them equally and teach them that they belong to one family.”
From his first-hand experience, the electrical engineer is all too happy to share vital nuggets with young polygamous men as well as those who want to enter into such unions on how to navigate the tempestuous voyage that is polygamy.
“If you are a polygamous man, you should never discuss your second wife with the first one and vice versa. Even if one of them reports something to you, you should apply your wisdom to handle the situation without belittling any of them,” he says.
Economic challenges
Mzee Joel Ang’awa Onyando, aged 63, has been in a polygamous marriage for over four decades. He is married to seven wives.
Mr Ang’awa married his first wife when he was 18, and is blessed with 12 children: eight girls and four boys.
He currently lives in Bondo, Siaya County, with his remaining four wives since three have since died.
Mr Ang’awa is a seasoned fisherman, which has enabled him to provide a livelihood for his family, including educating all his children.
He points out where most youths are getting and doing it all wrong.
“Two key things made polygamy work in our days, unlike these days. First and foremost, a polygamous man had to have wealth to maintain all his wives and their children. Secondly, there was respect between the husband and his wives and also among the co-wives, which was paramount in holding the family together. This is totally lacking in the current generation,” explains Mr Ang’awa.
“The reason polygamy is hardly working in the present era is largely due to economic challenges such as lack of wealth and also hunger, insufficient food,” he adds.
Mr Ang’awa reinforces Wycliffe’s view regarding co-wives living in the same matrimonial home together with their husband and their children, a scenario that he advises against.
“It is not right at all for a polygamous man to put his family comprising wives and kids to live in the same house. Each woman deserves her own house, personal space to make a home and bring up her children in it. It is the most respectful thing a man can offer to his wife,” he states.
For men who intend to be polygamous or are already practising it, Mr Ang’awa shares some wise nuggets thanks to his vast experience as a husband of several wives and father of many children.
“My advice to any man who wants to be polygamous or is already starting out is that, make sure you have enough money or wealth before entering into marriage. You should be ambitious and self-driven. Build yourself first before venturing into a polygamous union. You should be well capable of providing equally for all your wives and the children you sire with them without discriminating or neglecting any one of them, for peace and harmony to prevail,” he advises.
The late legendary Benga musician John De ’Matthew’s co-wives, Sarafina Wairimu and Carolyne Waithera are a perfect example of all that can go wrong with modern polygamy which is solely dependent on the presence of the man of the house.
Since the iconic Kikuyu crooner succumbed to a road accident on August 18, 2019, his family has turned into a battleground culminating in his second wife’s ejection from the matrimonial home.
The co-wives who recently fell out have been trading barbs and airing their dirty linen on social media, much to the astonishment of their fans who looked up to them as a model polygamous family.
In an emotional post addressed to her late husband, Caroline opened up about the misery she has had to endure after everyone turned their back on her.
“I swear Njogu was your friend. He has been checking up on me and your little Matthew ‘Simba’. How I wish you could come back and know that you didn’t have friends…But on the other hand, you had a few true friends,” Caroline’s post read.
“I wish you knew how your family treated me as well after your demise. They even threw me out of our house, where I gave birth to your son,” she added.
