What you need to know:
- As men, our nature is such that we crave honour from our better halves.
- Any man undergoing psychological abuse is carrying a heavy weight of shame.
The emotional abuse of men by women is a taboo subject. Emotional abuse is an unseen plague that's affecting many marriages. It has been worsened by Covid-19 when men have suffered job losses and pay cuts.
Thank God for men who have good women by their sides. Women who held them down and did the same for the family when ‘number’ two hit the fan.
But some brothers have not been fortunate. When their fortunes turned for the worse, their spouses turned them into psychological pin cushions. The problem with being in such a situation is folks rarely see what a man is going through.
In some instances, it can even be excused as a woman’s nagging, and a man is supposed to deal with it. What folks don't know is, clothed in that supposed nagging are sharp daggers that are causing internal bleeding to a man.
Emotional abuse comes in many shapes and forms. It can be denial of conjugal rights. It can be denial of food, or medical assistance, or other basic needs. It can be through verbal abuse and acts of dishonour and disrespect, which are meant to demean a man. It happens when, for no valid reason, a man is denied the opportunity to love his children.
Nobody deserves abuse
It happens when a man is locked outside his home and has to deal with the shame of his children and neighbours watching him plead like a beggar.
I know what some will say; some men deserve it. Wrong.
That’s a slippery slope we don’t want to step on. Nobody deserves abuse. There are better ways to fix our relationships than resorting to causing pain to another human being. Being the bigger person does not cost us much.
When a man is being psychologically abused by the same person who’s supposed to show him love and understanding, the first casualty is often a man's self-esteem. A man will start doubting himself. He will think he is not man enough. He will lose the very essence of manhood. He will feel neutered.
Let nobody lie to you; no man’s immune to psychological abuse. As men, our nature is such that we crave honour from our better halves. And, just like psychological abuse, honour can be the silent, unseen thing that a woman does. Which is why men can read and sense dishonour in, say, their woman’s body language.
When a man is being emotionally abused, his inner man reads that his honour is under attack. It’s a man’ s honour that gives him a face and authority before his children and neighbours. Once he is robbed of this - or, should I say, disrobed? - a man feels naked. And, as dream experts opine, nakedness is taken as a sign of shame.
Any man undergoing psychological abuse is carrying a heavy weight of shame. Shame make us hide our faces. It makes us to rush away from home at the crack of dawn, and tiptoe back when everyone has gone to sleep.
Because of shame, men suffering psychological abuse rarely talk about their plight. They believe society expects them to be strong, yet, inwardly, they are dying, if they are not dead already.
And there is no traumatic type than a dead man in a marriage.
Men have to gather courage and talk about psychological abuse, even at the risk of being misunderstood or labelled as sissies. If we are going through psychological abuse, we must find accessible ears to pour our travails in; otherwise, the pent-up emotions may erupt like a volcano, causing irreversible damages.
Men, let's talk about this. Or else.