Stop listening to those negative marriage stories


You may be facing a hard time in your marriage but still, marriage is beautiful and mysterious.

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 “Stop overthinking mum.  Just do it!” One of my children yelled out from their room when for the umpteenth time I talked about reviving an enterprise that went down during Covid season.

“You’ve got this,” the child said to encourage me.

From the mouths of infants and children flows wisdom; isn’t that what the Holy book says? Afterwards, I took a moment to reflect on what worked to grow the business and what did not. I confirmed my suspicions. Covid was not entirely to blame for my business’ downfall.

Certain aspects of my behaviour exacerbated the situation and it was much easier to dump the blame on a pandemic. I know you too have laid blame on Covid several times. It was while in this reflective mood that, by a fortunate turn of events, I got an invitation to participate in a workshop on self-awareness. One key takeaway was about taking ownership and accountability for one’s behaviour.

Unhealed issues

As I work on reviving my enterprise, one thing has stood out; the need to put a stop to some negative stuff. These stops apply to our marriage as well. If you want to deepen your relationship this year, you can address these issues.

Stop listening to discouraging advice and sayings about marriage.

 ‘Marriage is hard’ stands out as one of the most overused phrases. Just because someone married a person with unhealed issues and, because the said unhealthy person was unwilling to find healing, does not make all marriages bad. The fact that you attracted and kept up with that kind of person and their behaviour means that you also need healing.

You may be facing a hard time in your marriage but still, marriage is beautiful and mysterious. Maybe you made it seem difficult and toxic and teamed up with others and started a song about how marriage is hard.

Stop demonising marriage and start celebrating the small wins. In the business space, we are subjected to all manner of vices. For instance, there are people who seek a bribe, aptly dubbed ‘facilitation fee’ to get a good deal. We focus too much on that and forget to celebrate the good people who simply trust the brand, and only expect quality and timely delivery of services as promised.

To revive your relationship, go back to the wedding album (Gen-Z this one’s not for you) and recall the good times. Focus on celebrating your person, highlighting their strengths more than their weaknesses.

Stop opening up to everybody unless it is with a marriage therapist. Running to your mother to report your spouse will cause a rift in your marriage. In-laws are notoriously infamous as mediators in marriages, yet we often invite them to solve conflicts.

Please avoid sharing intimate details of your relationship with everybody, especially in-laws. If the third wheel in your marriage is a ‘side dish’, prepare for ‘premium’ tears.

Last but not least, stop normalising adultery and promiscuity in marriage. Someone once said that some marriages are breeding grounds for sexually transmitted infections so be careful. A single person will likely carry protection if they are sexually active, unlike married couples who can be careless. In marriage, the two parties operate on a level of absolute trust. Woe to the spouse who remains faithful while their partner is a philanderer.