Men, do you have a mentor?

Works of Mouth Advertising Network. In other words, Woman is an acronym according to a speaker during a self-care workshop for mothers and women. The focus was on adolescent mothers, pregnant women, and mothers of newborns. As you might imagine, we were a group of more than fifty women learning, unlearning, and bonding.

While the stereotype that women tend to speak more words than men and gossip a lot more has been debunked by research, it persists, because women and men communicate differently. Women give context to their narratives, while men go straight to the point. Both their communication styles can distort the message or create a barrier to communication.

That said, women, generally tend to open up more, about their feelings, emotions, and vulnerabilities, than men. This sharing, seeking other's ears is what helps women beat depression better than men. Ironically, more women are diagnosed with depression than men, but more men die by suicide than women.

During the workshop, as a midwife took us through the steps of best practices of self-care in pregnancy, one of the six men in attendance raised his hand.

“Where are the fathers? Where is the workshop for the men?” Another man raised his hand before the facilitator could ask him to show his baby bump. “You must be in the wrong forum my brother. The men are in a different workshop called Men Mentorship.” This echoed what a reader, *Bernard Lokoyiot said in response to a discussion on the evolution of husbands through the ages. “Men need open spaces to share their experiences, and to learn from each other. We learn better through mentorship by other men.” Bernard noted.

"How does a man find his space in the world, in the family when his role is hazy? He is no longer the provider, sometimes the wife earns more, and the man could be jobless, what then?” Bernard advises more men to take up mentorship. “Seek mentorship and start mentoring others.”

Mental wellness

Bernard is onto something as research indicates that fewer men seek mental wellness than women, hence they suffer more and do not handle the stresses of life too well. The enculturing of men to be macho and not emotional means they bottle up whatever is eating them. Like a balloon, when something tiny pricks it, the eruption of emotions from the men causes more damage to them and those close to them than a volcanic explosion would.

“Men won’t listen to women, but they will listen to other men, especially if they admire the man.” Like iron sharpens iron, Benard asserts it will only take a man to sharpen another. “We have been modernised. Now we work, we cook, we bond with our families, and we try to balance all things and keep our mental health in check, but we don’t know how.”

Noting that few platforms, if any, are dedicated to supporting men, Bernard suggested a proactive approach by men. “I think men should have forums where we talk and provide each other with consolation and compassion. There is nothing new under the sun.”

Men who seek mentorship are wise enough to know that they do not know everything. They leave room to grow, to be better, husbands, fathers, bosses, and better humans. Did you know that the most influential men, present and past all had mentors in their careers and personal life?

Even as you balance the leadership and protector role in the family with the career and business expectations, do you seek mentorship or go crazy under the weight? The Biblical Moses took the counsel from his father-in-law, with humility and gratitude. Moses was overwhelmed, not sleeping enough, and most importantly, had no time for his family or leisure. After all, he was doing Jehovah’s work.

“What you are doing is not good.” Jethro, the father-in-law told him. Not a good conversation starter with a man, and in most cases, a man will automatically go on the defence. Moses would have chosen to dismiss his father-in-law. “Old man, what do you know about what I’m doing? Are you the one who saw a bush on fire and heard God’s voice?” But Moses was a wise man. He listened to his father-in-law and did everything Jethro advised him. Mentorship is like that. You swallow humble pie. You soak in the advice, you take action. Great men seek mentorship and leave legacies.