Covid-19 unceremoniously ushered in transitions for men. A lot of men had to deal with demons they never knew existed, within and without their relationships. Their relationships were tested, and many times wedding vows were tossed in the shredder.
A transition, such as a job loss, has a way of showing you who will ride-or-die with you, and who is a fair-weather friend. No wonder the late rich-voiced Moreno Batamba moaned in “Mapenzi ya Shida” that “ukifungiwa nyumba itajulikana”; in reference to how real colours of love are revealed when a man is in hot water. I know that part of “ukifungiwa nyumba itajulikana”. I lived it. It’s ugly, man. I would not wish it on any man. But, as men, some of these “Mapenzi ya Shida” situations are rites of passage.
I think that, compared to men, women are more likely to mistake a transition for the destination. What I mean is, if a husband loses a job, a good number of wives will think it is the end of the man. And the job. Not to mention the relationship.
It is extremely rare – in fact, rarer than an honest Kenyan politician - to hear that a husband has left his wife because she lost her job, or because her business has gone under.
Here’s what I think. When a man is going through one of life’s many transitions, there is an automatic switch that turns on his woman’s psyche. She starts hearing voices – and sometimes the voices are from her family and friends – telling her the man is good-for-nothing. Yet, just the other day, this same woman was saying her man was the best thing since Munyiri’s fish and chips. The voices tell her the man will never come back from the beating life has given him.
You will know your woman has mistaken a transition for the destination by the way she treats you. If you were receiving VIP treatment, you will be treated worse than a tramp.
You will know your woman has mistaken a transition for the destination by the disrespect and dishonour she shows you. In the beginning, the madharau will be subtle. She will do things chini ya maji, thinking her man will miss the boat by a river. But men are extremely perceptive. Men can sense disrespect when the damn dis is in its first trimester, when it is being formed, in his woman’s heart.
You will know your woman has made the blunder of mistaking a transition for the destination by the way she talks to you. If she used to refer to you as, babe while talking to her friends, she will now call you, kale kamtu. This means that, in her sight, your stature is diminished.
Yup. There is a world of difference between yule mtu and kale kamtu. The former means you are human. The latter utterly dehumanises a man, and conveys a hidden message that he is useless.
You will know your woman has mistaken a transition for the destination when she denies you conjugal rights. This is being done to punish you for something you may not have control over; the loss of a job or your fortunes taking a big hit.
This is a power move that narcissists resort to inflict pain. It is done to make you crumble and beg for sex. A man is not supposed to beg for anything. Look, if God instructs a man to ask Him – never to beg – it means that someone who reduces you to a posture of begging has turned you into a slave.
When a woman mistakes a transition for the destination and turns you into a slave, break free. Leave the plantation. Or else.