What you need to know:
- You got pregnant; he told you to abort for financial reasons. In return, he gives you hostility and infidelity.
Q: I’m married with one child. My husband and I have constant issues. We got married after I got pregnant with our first child and he told me to move into his house. He didn’t have enough money and I was forced to withdraw all my savings for our upkeep.I gave him some to start a business, but the business went down. I gave him more capital to keep it. I got pregnant and when I told him about it he told me to abort because we are not stable financially. I did but later I got affected so much emotionally. My husband does not respect or treat me as his wife even as I do all this for him. He cheats on me. He is hostile to me and my child and he drinks too much. Please help me, aunt.
A: Right from the start, it looks like the major reason for your marriage was because of pregnancy. That was the wrong reason for your union because the only reason why two people should get into marriage is love – and love alone. Any other intention does not have any foundation, hence the fallout. And for the same reason, your husband never became responsible as a husband and a father. You have been the breadwinner all through in this union; you gave him capital to start a business. He misused the money but you went ahead and boosted the business once more.
You got pregnant and he told you to abort for financial reasons. In return, he responds with hostility and infidelity. Truly, you have sacrificed too much; with your money and health. And what has your husband sacrificed in return? Are all these sacrifices worth it? These are the questions you need to ask yourself. You must decide if this is the man you need in your life.
For the longest time, you have lived his life: it is now high time you start living your own. You therefore need to have a candid talk with your husband and air your feelings. Let him understand that he needs to change and take responsibility of the marriage. Let him know how much you have sacrificed for the marriage and that he does not seem to recognise this.
In case he is remorseful and promises to work as a team for the union, then give him another chance. If he seems not to care, then you need to reconsider your decision to stay in this marriage. Please know that the decision to get married is mutual and it takes two to tango. It is impossible to love a person who cannot love you back. I suggest you visit a counselor for post-abortion trauma therapy. My best wishes.