Five ways for parents to reinvent their approachability

Every parent yearns for the cuddly company of their growing child. However, parents need to be aware that during adolescence, their bond with teenage children comes under a serious biologically instigated threat.

While the parent remains obsessed with the parental instinct to protect their children, sometimes the teen begins to separate and behave like they either do not need their parent’s guidance and protection, or they do not trust their parents enough to confide in them.

This situation becomes a very disconcerting moment in the house, particularly during the long school holidays like the December Holiday. It is advisable for parents who find themselves trapped in this situation to always remember that parenting is a responsibility that cannot be delegated. Therefore, no parent should be quick to send their son or daughter to their grandparents or their aunts in gicagi (the rural) simply because they cannot cope with this adolescence change.

What, then, do parents need to do to enjoy the company of their teenage children, the adolescence changes notwithstanding? Well, reinventing their approachability is a fundamental prerequisite for joy and peace in the house. The first thing to do to reinvent approachability is to keep open all channels of communication.

Melodrama, yelling and silent treatments only work to put off your teenage child and create unnecessary tension in the house. Parents with a proclivity for these communication breakers risk losing the company of their teenage children, and worse still, predisposing their children to mental health issues.

Gauge your reaction

Secondly, learn the indicators that your son or daughter wants to talk to you. You need to pay keener attention when your teenage son or daughter brings up a story about stuff happening among their peers. At times, such stories are not real, but rather fabrications to read your mind and gauge your reaction. When such a story comes up, please breathe in and out before you begin bitterly criticising and condemning the “peers”.

Take time to master your tone and demeanour while responding; give the “peers” some benefit of the doubt and ensure you have created a safe and open environment where your son or daughter can also trust you to offer guidance whenever in the unfortunate positions of “their peers” in the story.

Thirdly, become a friend to your son or daughter; share with them some of your experiences when you were a teenager, both good and bad. Draw the lessons learnt and the regrets you may have for allowing yourself to get into situations.

If you are a lucky parent, and your teenage child freely turns to you for guidance, master your temperament and never react to their worries and weaknesses by belittling or condemning them. Cultivate the skill of choosing words carefully whenever you are upset, shocked or disappointed. This is the ideal character of a true friend.

Face-to-face sessions

Fourthly, face-to-face sit-down conversations may not be the most effective at times. It is possible for you to be saying the most encouraging words but in a condemnatory tone and a scornful demeanour.

To some teenagers, face-to-face sessions come out as confrontational and intimidating. Be clever to craft moments of “sideways” conversations, particularly while undertaking an outdoor task together, a household chore, or just taking a walk. Such activities create a relaxed environment that thaw any tension, however difficult the subject of conversation might be.

Finally, walk the talk. Become a model of the behaviour you want your teenage son or daughter to exhibit. If, for instance, you cannot keep away from social media for half an hour, how do you expect your son or daughter to do it? The excuse that they are in school and you are not may not make much sense to them at teenage.

Cultivate mutual trust by working beside them in setting rules around the house. Let them know that their opinion counts and that you are trusting them to exhibit reason and responsibility in their decisions. Delegate some tasks to your children and compliment them once the tasks are completed. These simple actions enhance your bonding and instill a sense of responsibility in your teenage child.

Dr. Silas Mwirigi is a researcher, author, and Principal, Kagumo High School. [email protected]