Reflections on fatherhood: Yes, women gossip. But even if we deny it, men gossip too

A social media post recently asked what brings women together.

“Football brings men together, as cartoons bring children together. What brings women together?”

There was a torrent of responses shaping into a predictable pattern. The majority of male respondents hurled the ‘gossip’ label at women.

The prejudice about women as gossipers is deeply rooted in our culture. Yet researchers who have attempted to study this topic have found no evidence that women gossip more than men.

In fact, a study by an international research firm once found the opposite. Reporting that men gossip more, for about 76 minutes a day as compared to women at 52 minutes.

In their study, The University of California classified gossip as positive, neutral or negative and reported that women gossip more than men in neutral gossip rather than negative or malicious talk.

In yet another survey, Western Canadian University concluded that “quantitatively speaking, women and men engage in the same amount of gossiping activity. Nevertheless, gender-based differences are apparent in the subject of gossip. Women gossip more about social relationships and physical appearance than men.”

Gossip is a discussion about other people in their absence and it shouldn’t attract negative connotations as it is natural for people to discuss others in their absence. We discuss colleagues and bosses in the workplace; we discuss celebrities and politicians.

Families are not spared; our homes are theatres of gossip, but mostly the neutral type and also the positive one.

As a father, I can engage my children in discussing neighbours, family friends or public figures in their lives.

And I generally discourage my children from discussing other people negatively. The bottom line: it is not practical to expect people to only talk about those they are with. Gossiping has had a survival value in the evolution of society as it is part of oral literature which predated reading and writing.

So, if gossiping is natural and there is no scientific evidence that women gossip more than men, why has it been feminised through the generations?

Religion may unlock this puzzle. The earliest recorded gossip is found in the book of Genesis between the woman and the snake.

“God ordered that you must not eat the fruit from the tree in the middle of the garden lest you will die,” the woman explained to the serpent who replied that “God knows that when you eat fruit from that tree, you will know things you have never known before. Like God, you will be able to tell the difference between good and evil.”

Perhaps the association between women and gossip came from here. Whatever the case, it hides an important detail. That in the midst of their football, politics and business discussions, men also gossip extensively.

Listen to one contributor in that debate:

“It is funny how men are such big gossipers but they deny it because it is framed as an exclusively feminine activity. And, of course, anything women do is always lame and frivolous.”

So, what exactly brings women together? From reflections on family life as a father and husband, I would say women congregations are highly beneficial to the community and families; it’s quite unfair to trivialise them gossips.

From the time our mum would buy cutlery and table clothes using money from her women group, to this day when women are pooling savings to buy plots, women groupings have tremendous social benefits.

There is a popular term in our political lexicon called “bottom-up,” meaning to address the basic needs of the society first.

An objective assessment shows that women are the ultimate bottom-up philosophers. Their gatherings and meetings have been instrumental in meeting the basic needs of the family. If there is a little gossip in the process, why not?

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