The Valentine's gift every woman needs to give herself
Valentine's Say: A woman who loves herself sets the price for how she should be loved by others.
What you need to know:
- This Valentine's Day, I'm challenging women to reimagine love - not as chocolate boxes or wedding rings, but as the fierce, revolutionary act of truly valuing ourselves in a world that often tells us we're "too much."
- I'm calling on women - whether scrolling through social media, juggling deadlines, fighting traditions in rural villages, or rebuilding life in conflict zones - to invest in themselves with the same dedication they'd invest in a relationship.
- The most important love story is the one we have with ourselves.
As the world marks Valentine's Day today, my mind wanders to the women and girls across Kenya who might be reading this. Some are scrolling through social media feeds filled with roses and romantic gestures. Others are juggling work deadlines or university assignments. And many are questioning their worth in a society that often seems to value us more for our relationships than our achievements.
But today, I want us to redefine love. Not the kind that comes with chocolate boxes or wedding/engagement rings, but the fierce, transformative love we must cultivate for ourselves. In a year when our nation grapples with rising femicide cases and persistent challenges to women's dignity, self-love isn't just a feel-good concept – it's an act of revolution.
I've spent years documenting stories of Kenyan women, from the bustling streets of Nairobi to the remote villages of Samburu. What strikes me most is how often we postpone our dreams, silence our ambitions, or compromise our values in pursuit of relationships that diminish rather than enhance our lives. We're taught that love is sacrifice, but too often, we're the only ones sacrificing.
Three decades ago, women gathered in Beijing to envision a world where gender equality wasn't just a dream. Today, as we mark 30 years since that landmark conference, I ask: How many of us have postponed our education because a partner felt threatened by our ambitions? How many have stayed in toxic relationships because society whispers that being alone is worse than being unhappy?
True self-love manifests in action. It's in the young woman who chooses to complete her degree despite family pressure to marry early. It's in the mother who starts a small business, building her financial independence one day at a time. It's in the professional who sets boundaries at work and home, knowing her peace is non-negotiable.
I see Gen Zs navigating a complex world of ‘situationships’ and social media pressure, and I want to tell them that their worth runs so much deeper than likes or relationship status. I watch millennials trying to balance soaring career ambitions with mounting societal expectations, and I'm here to say that pursuing your dreams isn't selfish – it's necessary. And for every woman who's ever been called "too much," please know that your voice, your ambitions, and your standards aren't excessive. They're exactly what they should be.
Lasting commitment
This Valentine's Day, I challenge you to invest in yourself with the same dedication you'd invest in a relationship. Open that savings account. Apply for that course. Start that business plan. Say no to situations that compromise your values. Your first and most lasting commitment should be to your own growth and wellbeing.
Love stories are beautiful, but the most important love story is the one you have with yourself. In a world that still struggles to see women as complete without romantic partnerships, choosing yourself is a powerful statement. It's time we celebrate self-love not as a consolation prize for being single, but as the foundation upon which all healthy relationships – romantic or otherwise – are built.
Remember, a woman who loves herself sets the price for how she should be loved by others. This Valentine's Day, let's make that price nothing less than respect, dignity, and the freedom to be our full, authentic selves.
Meanwhile, something remarkable is happening - many men in our lives - brothers, fathers, partners, and friends - are quietly championing this journey to self-empowerment, understanding that when women value themselves and pursue their dreams, relationships naturally evolve into something more beautiful - partnerships built on mutual growth and genuine companionship. These relationships remind us that true love doesn't demand shrinking ourselves; it creates space for both people to shine. When we all recognise each other's inherent worth, we create the foundation for the kind of deep, meaningful connections that transform not just couples, but entire communities. Isn't that the essence of real love?
And as I write this, my thoughts drift to our sisters in rural Kenya, many of whom may never have heard of Valentine's Day, what it means or even why it is celebrated– women who show themselves love by walking miles to ensure their children get an education, by standing up against harmful traditions in their communities, by joining table banking groups to secure their futures.
I think of our sisters in the Democratic Republic of Congo, forced from their homes by war, yet still finding the strength to protect and provide for their families. Their self-love isn't expressed through roses or chocolates, but through daily acts of courage and resilience. These women remind us that self-love looks different for each of us, but its essence remains the same – the unwavering belief in our own worth and the determination to honour it, no matter our circumstances.
Happy Valentine's Day! May you love yourself so boldly today that it sets the standard for how you'll be loved all year round. Whether you're celebrating with a partner or celebrating yourself, remember – you're not just surviving in this world, you're blooming in your own light.