I learned in secret while married: The Tiaty women who refused to surrender their dreams

The sun beats down mercilessly on the parched earth of Silale Ward in Kerio Valley. Here, where time seems to stand still, a woman walks purposefully along a dusty path. Her shadow stretches long behind her, much like the journey she has travelled to defy centuries-old traditions that once threatened to silence her voice.

In this remote corner of Kenya, where the Pokot community has long defined womanhood through circumcision, early marriage, and subservience, a quiet but formidable revolution is unfolding. Women born in these isolated villages are rewriting their destinies, becoming champions for education, health, business, peace, and social transformation against seemingly insurmountable odds.

Read more: Culture or progress? How women are redefining 'traditional' values without losing their heritage

Five remarkable women from this region were recently identified and recognised by Victory Life International (VLI) church, Christian Impact Mission, Groots Kenya, and Diakonia during International Women's Day celebrations at the Domo VLI Mission Station in Ngoron, Tirioko. Their stories represent different facets of transformation—escaping harmful traditions, reforming from harmful practices, pursuing education against all odds, and finding new economic pathways.

Moses Akeno, the Tiaty West Sub-county administrator, has witnessed this transformation first-hand.

"Many women now understand their rights and have secured administrative positions," he observes. These changes, though gradual, represent a significant shift in a region where women's voices were once silenced.

Among these trailblazers is Rhoda Lokwar Kitilit, a 55-year-old mindset change advocate from Naipekort village who escaped forced early marriage and now boldly challenges harmful practices that continue to threaten girls in her community.

"My mother was a Tugen married to a Pokot. My father died early, and my mother was forced to be inherited by my uncles," Rhoda recalls, her eyes reflecting the hardship of those early days. "She had four daughters and no son. That was considered a disaster according to Pokot culture."

The cultural penalty for this 'disaster' was swift and harsh.

"Our uncles could not support us, so we ran away to Nakuru, where I attended school. When I was in Standard Seven, I lacked school fees and had to return to Tiaty. My uncles quarrelled with my mother, claiming I had delayed getting married, preventing them from receiving the reverse dowry. By then, we had sold everything, even our last cow," she explains.

Her educational journey was a testament to her determination. With the support of well-wishers, Rhoda returned to school at Ng'ambo Secondary in Marigat in 1984.

Read: 25 cows, 40 goats: The true price of a cut girl

"I stayed at home for an entire year. I used to collect leftover soap from other girls and piece them together to make a usable bar. My mother had no money for supplies. We were completely destitute. Every day, I walked the long distance from Loruk to Marigat."

Despite dropping out of school while in Form Three in 1986, fate intervened through a compassionate educator.

"My head teacher, Pamela Perkat, came looking for me, which enabled me to complete Form Four. The school waived my fees because of my academic performance. I was even the only student who briefly attended Form Five for two weeks."

After completing Form Four in 1987, Rhoda worked as an untrained teacher before being admitted to a nursing college in Homa Bay. The pull of her community's needs, however, was strong. "I saw the life my people of Tiaty used to live, and I had a passion to come back and change it," she says. This led her to leave nursing college and join Iregi Teachers Training College instead.

Her return to Tiaty as an educator became the catalyst for change. "I began teaching and training women in Maendeleo ya Wanawake groups. In my community, many people didn't believe girls should attend school. They never considered that girls could become leaders and professionals."

Breaking new ground, Rhoda became the first female head teacher in all of Tiaty, facing fierce resistance from male colleagues.

"Men could not accept that women could lead. Male teachers opposed my appointment and complained to the district officer. They accused him of destroying education by appointing me. After three years of resistance, they finally conceded and allowed female teachers to head schools."

Read: One woman, eight children, 20 cows, and a husband who only rests under trees

Her commitment to education continued with her registering for a Bachelor of Education at Moi University in 2012. Now serving as the Silale Ward administrator, Rhoda has witnessed remarkable transformation.

"We built everything from nothing. It was untouched land with no infrastructure. Though I came from Silale, I couldn't live there because it lacked basic necessities—no roads, no water supply, and no schools."

The changes she has helped foster extend beyond infrastructure to cultural shifts.

"Even men now participate in church by clapping and singing. Women have embraced better hygiene practices and financial savings. Previously, some would go an entire week without bathing, but that has changed. They now understand the importance of a balanced diet, rather than subsisting on just ugali and milk," she explains with pride.

Rev Edith Gor, who has worked extensively in the region, notes that despite progress, gender-based violence remains at alarming levels—99 per cent—in the region. She calls on men to abandon retrogressive practices, pointing to lack of exposure and education as root causes. This context makes the achievements of women like Rhoda even more remarkable.

Josephine Kiptulon Nabuya, born in Kipnai, Kolowa, also escaped child marriage to become a clinical officer.

"My father enrolled me in school, though I was meant to be married off while still in Standard Six. Meanwhile, my mother was marginalised within the family," she recounts.

Her educational journey began with her own initiative. "Though initially denied education, I enrolled myself at Kipnai Primary School and attended from 1994 to 1997. Despite lacking school fees, I received support from my mother and a kind benefactor from the Tugen community. Since there were no examination candidates at my school, I registered for my KCPE exam at Kalapata Primary School, where I scored 491 out of 700."

After joining Kaprotich High School, Josephine returned to contribute to education in her community, teaching at multiple schools before furthering her own education at KMTC, Eldoret (2005-08) and later earning a Bachelor of Nursing (2016-22) from the University of Eastern Africa, Barton.

Forced marriage

Her commitment to her community led her to politics. "I decided to come back home and contest the MCA seat on the Kup party ticket," she says. Now, alongside being a part-time lecturer at Tot KMTC, she runs a private clinic in Barpello where she is married. "I've helped my eight siblings obtain an education. Before he passed away, my father came to embrace the value of education because of my journey."

Another powerful story belongs to Mary Kuket, the Tiaty Maendeleo Ya Wanawake Organisation chairperson, who was forced into marriage while in Form Two in 1986. Refusing to abandon her dreams entirely, the widow from Tangulobei continued her education in secret.

"My dreams were initially shattered, but years later, I resumed my education in secret. My husband opposed my studies. When I finally told him I wanted to sit for an examination, he refused to allow it. Fortunately, my mother intervened and I registered for the exam and passed."

Now a farmer keeping goats, Mary formed a group to promote education in her village, determined that other girls should not suffer as she did.

"There was a significant leadership gap that excluded women. Now, women can speak in men's presence. However, we still need more women in leadership positions. Currently, only two women have been elected in Tiaty, though many now serve as chiefs."

Jimmy Gor of Christian Impact Mission shares that women like Mary are helping transform community attitudes about gender roles.

"Many women have embraced community development, entrepreneurship, and financial cooperation through table banking. Despite suffering from FGM, gender-based violence, and early marriages, they have transformed into champions and role models who have overcome tremendous challenges."

The transformation extends to women who have found redemption through faith and new purpose.

Regina Chemali Pkut, a mother of four, became a local brewer to feed her children after her husband's death. "I used to brew chang'aa, but I abandoned that practice and joined a church. My pastor guided me through my reformation."

After finding salvation in 2016, Regina transitioned to legitimate business. "I now sell essential commodities like maize, beans, sugar, and cooking oil in my small shop," she says. "Both my household and the entire Domo village have undergone remarkable changes."

Now an official in her local church, Regina continues to care for nine children—her four, plus five from her late husband's previous marriage.

Her story exemplifies the community changes that Gor and other local leaders have been working to support—changes that begin with individuals but spread to benefit entire communities.

Perhaps one of the most striking transformations is that of Cheptokokah Nakapel from Naudo village in Silale, a reformed circumciser and brewer. For 12 years, she performed female genital mutilation (FGM) on approximately 50 girls annually. "I performed circumcisions on girls as my source of income," she admits candidly.

The mother of five now runs a shop in the village and has found new opportunities through her advocacy against FGM.

"I'm proud to have travelled by plane to Nairobi and Tanzania to participate in anti-FGM forums," she says with pride. Cheptokokah now reads the Bible and participates in development activities.

"My children are now in school," she adds.

Rev Agnes Masika from the VLI Church emphasises that women like Cheptokokah, often working with limited resources under difficult circumstances, prove that transformation begins with individuals who refuse to accept injustice.

"We have facilitated fundamental mind-set changes throughout the community. However, we urgently need increased funding for gender-focused initiatives," she advocates.

These women have shattered stereotypes by successfully running businesses in an environment traditionally hostile to female leadership, displaying remarkable resilience and entrepreneurial spirit. Together, they tell a complete story of transformation in their communities.

In the heart of Kerio Valley, where the weight of tradition once threatened to crush female ambition, these women stand tall—their stories beacons of hope for countless girls who now dare to dream beyond the boundaries their mothers and grandmothers knew.

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