How battered men are suffering in silence

As the world marks 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-based Violence, I have been reminded, severally, to feature men in my coverage, that they, too, are victims of gender-based violence (GBV). I agree.

As Gender Editor, I have worked on many stories mainly covering women for obvious reasons – they have been marginalisation for years.

With studies showing that one in three women experience a form of violence, the need for action is urgent.  We must do all we can to eliminate all forms of violence and support women, who are its main victims.

But this does not mean I haven’t published stories about men, after all, gender is made up of men and women. I am a mother of two boys – it would, therefore, not make sense to ignore their plight.

An ignored boy-child is a danger to society. As we educate the girl child to be independent, we should educate the boy child to be kind, egalitarian and feminist, but this isn’t happening, instead, the society goads him to figure out his life on his own, he is, after all, a man. And men, says society, don’t cry, they don’t show any kind of weakness and are stoic in the face of whatever life throws at them. This has bred unstable and violent men.

With such unreasonable expectations from society, it is no wonder that many male GBV victims suffer in silence, they dare not report physical abuse, or sexual abuse, for instance. Why?  Social stigma silences them. They fear being judged or laughed at. There is urgent need to break this gender stereotype and encourage men to seek help.

So, why have I not covered male victims of GBV in the 16 Days of Activism this far? The theme focuses on women, but I would not have hesitated to tell men’s stories if they would have agreed to tell them.

The stigma stubbornly persists. For instance, one man who is constantly abused by his spouse, and whose story I wanted to tell, said he could only tell it if he was guaranteed that his predicament will be kept confidential, since he does not want to be labelled weak. How do you tell such a story?

I believe his experience resonates with that of many other men who would rather suffer in silence than subject themselves to ridicule. Just as women have long fought to be believed when they report abuse, especially at police stations, men face similar biases and prejudices.

Covid-19 put into sharp focus the endemic scourge of GBV. Incidents of violence dramatically shot up, GBV hotlines rang off the hook. One hotline, specifically created for men, recorded an increased number of callers.

GBV affects men psychologically and lowers their self-esteem. Often, they become desensitised to suffering and learn to use violence as a means to an end. This further perpetuates the inequalities between the two genders, an overwhelming factor in GBV against girls and women.

Discord among couples have existed since our forefathers’ time, but in recent times, these disagreements have degenerated to domestic violence, with women dying in the hands of their partners.

Empowering the men and being sensitive to their needs would help do away with these unfortunate situations. 

There are few, if any, shelters for abused men, a matter that needs urgent action by government and other relevant agencies.

Violence against any gender is a human rights violation, yet the current GBV framework largely focuses on violence against girls and women. This is understandable given the scope of the crisis and global perpetuation of gender inequalities, which, overall, result in women being more vulnerable. However, the challenge with this dynamic is that it largely mitigates the reality and extent of GBV against boys and men.

As we close 2021, I call on men who have suffered GBV to break the silence today.

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