Attention men! Your voice on GBV can turn things around

If you have read our publications and digital content recently, you will have noted that they are dominated by stories about gender-based violence (GBV), especially those that target women and girls.

These horrific stories are not rare. Domestic violence is a real problem, globally. Statistics from the Kenya Demographic and Health Survey (KDHS) 2022 says the percentage of women who experienced physical violence in the 12 months before the survey is 16 per cent while that of men is 10 per cent. While men are also victims of GBV, women bear the brunt of it.

Some women choose to persevere and we often wonder what makes it so hard for them to leave their abusers.

Feeling worthless

Indian author Gopika Kapoor, is of the view that most women allow relationships to define them, that they are scared of being alone.

“Some get their sense of worth from being in a relationship and being viewed as so-and-so’s partner, wife or girlfriend,” she says.

Outwardly, these women may appear confident and smart, but inside, they feel worthless. That’s why they find it hard to let go of a relationship even if it’s abusive. Victims of GBV need everyone to understand them; not blame them for staying.

Although many barriers stand in their way of leaving the abusive relationship – whether psychological, emotional, financial or physical threats, we ought to support them to leave it.

Kenya has laws protecting violence survivors, but not many women know of their existence or even that they can report such abuse to the police. Others take it as normal to be beaten, or emotionally abused by their spouse for issues ranging from not waking up at 1am to cook hot ugali for the man of the house,  to failing to pander to her husband’s needs. The hard truth is that men are statistically most often the perpetrators of GBV.

Studies say boys’ childhood experiences influence the men they become. They watch their fathers’, father figures’, role models’ and mentors’ actions in their homes, and then replicate these behaviours in future. 

Generational beliefs

It is, therefore, only right that men and boys are part of the conversation if we are to make any meaningful headway in tackling GBV. We need to have honest conversations with boys especially because there is still time to shape their thinking and influence their actions. One may wonder where boys fit in, in the fight against GBV. Their understanding of gender norms and what it means to be a man is part of the problem.

Addressing these would create a change in behaviour. We should call them to speak up and break the cycle of generational beliefs regarding GBV. Teaching them to share emotions in healthy ways, accept and connect with others, speak out against inequality, and break free from rigid stereotypes is part of the solution.

Not all men commit violence against women, but all men can help prevent it. Those who are not perpetrators can defend women when it comes to GBV - at the workplace, at home, at school and in their social circles. Women and girls should also challenge their male friends, husbands, brothers, and fathers to be part of the solution. I am a mother of two young men and I often have open conversations with them on all topics, even the uncomfortable ones. They know that violence against women is not masculinity.

GBV deepens gender inequalities and reproduces the idea that men are dominant and have power of women and girls. Simply asking men not to be violent isn’t enough. They must  make it clear that the violence is unacceptable.

Wishing you a violent-free festive season.

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