Dear parent, beware of relatives who may prey on your children

A terrrified child.

Photo credit: Shutterstock

While growing up, something terrible happened to me, but I am now talking about it to help parents and children navigate a similar situation should they find themselves in one.

It was sexual abuse and a mere “I am sorry” could not fix the mental and emotional pain that followed it.  As I am healing, I have many people to blame for what I went through.

I do not want to blame my parents because they were doing their job – struggling to fend for the family and provide for us. 

Evidently, they would not have imagined that as a young girl, staying in the same house with a male relative would expose me to abuse.

Ordinarily, they trusted them and in a way, they ended up putting their comfort above my safety. To date, I do not understand it. For long, I wondered whether there was something I did that warranted going through that pain. I pondered on question that no human being could answer. “God, why me?” I cried out.

Secondly, I blame the government and society. The government has laws protecting children from abusers. But how many go behind bars for rape and defilement? Sadly, most perpetrators go scot-free.

In addition, there are many unsolved cases of sexual abuse in Kenya, and they will remain so as long as the government and the society do not treat sexual abuse against children with the seriousness it deserves.

The miscarriage of justice leaves children crashed and with scars throughout their lives.

Somehow, I also blame myself. I should have spoken up when I started seeing some inappropriate behaviour from the male relative. I should have alerted my parents instead of assuming that my relative would never hurt me.

I sought therapy and I am still healing. When I stopped hurting, I realised that it is exhausting to be playing the blame game.

Writing has also helped me to overcome the nightmare. I tell girls and boys to train themselves to speak up and defend their honour. I learnt to refuse to be put down by my family members and those I trust. Learning to speak up is the only way we can prevent abuse from happening.

Juliet Jones, 20, is a student at Daystar University. (Her name has been changed to protect her identity).