Money matters and why I have not been happy this month

It sucks, doesn’t it? It sucks that everybody else seems to have life figured out but you haven’t. Everybody else seems to be making progress in the right direction – doing big things for themselves, making big career moves, building big businesses, crashing big goals.

You, though, you feel like a duck paddling chaotic in a swamp of muddy water. You are in motion but you are not going anywhere.

This inertia is crippling you, making you apprehensive about tomorrow. You are doubtful of yourself. Hang in there, dear reader – things will get better.

You will notice earlier I used the words ‘seems’. ‘... Everybody else seems to have their life figured out.’ I used this word on purpose.

Truth is, no one has their life figured out. No one. Don’t be fooled by appearances. Especially by appearances on social media. Anyone who tells you they have figured their life out is either (a) not being honest with you (b) is in a season where it seems to momentarily have.

We are all struggling with one thing or the other at one point or the other. Everyone is. Imagine life to be a canoe you’re sailing on across the great seas.

Smooth seas

Sometimes there will be smooth seas, other times rough seas. The smooth seas are life’s way of giving you room to catch your breath and steady yourself. It is telling you, ‘There are rough seas ahead, old chap, but keep sailing that canoe. Don’t stop for anything. Sail right across the rough seas.’

What are you currently struggling with, dear reader? I am struggling with money. I suppose a huge percentage of us are, after the pandemic. Last year I struggled with productivity at work.

I was pregnant for the year and we were working from home. (OK, I was napping most of the time I was home, I wasn’t quite working as I should have.)

Pregnancy is frustrating. It robs you of your body and mind. You are filled from here up to here with hormones. Drunk is the word, actually, you are drunk on hormones for nine months.

Then you give birth and you become hangover for yet another nine months. Eighteen months of feeling like a duck paddling in a muddy swamp.

I have been productive ever since my hormones cleared. It’s impressive. I am working on a personal project that has given me a purpose and drive I haven’t experienced in years. I feel like I have reconnected with a younger version of myself. With the girl I was convinced motherhood and marriage had eulogized and buried.

Money, though, money has been elusive. Well, the kind of money I want has been elusive. I have been thinking about it so much I have become unhealthily obsessed with it.

I don’t know if you know this but I am something of an expert on personal finance – I can guide you on how to make money and manage it better.

I write online about money, for our website, Nation.Africa. (See how I shamelessly plugged that in, to promote myself?) The column is called ‘Money Talks’.

Unhealthy obsession

Writing about money feeds into this unhealthy obsession I already have about my own money. I have a knack of translating everything to shillings and cents. I attach a cost to things, a figure that will represent it in the language of money.

Here is an example. The price of unleaded fuel went up this week to Sh134. This means I will spend more money on fuel this month. I am already on a tight budget so that money will have to come from somewhere else. Question is, where? Will I put in more hours into my writing and work harder? Or do I work smarter and make my money do the work for me? Make it make more money?

This month it will come from my fun money, that’s the money I use to do useless fun things for myself that make me happy. Buying things et cetera. (Expert tip: Everyone needs to budget for fun money.)

So there you have it – the cost of the price change in fuel is that I won’t be as happy this month as I budgeted to be. As if I wasn’t paddling in a muddy swamp already.

@_craftit; [email protected]