Your man is what is going to make your man slip up

The weekend that was last weekend is now over, and I guess there is one question reverberating through some Nairobi hearts in the aftermath of the Safari Rally. You see, there was a nine-hour convoy leading to Hell’s Gate, on both lanes, throughout the weekend, causing a snarl up that could have been felt all the way to JKIA. Cars full of people whose plan was to thoroughly enjoy themselves. And I’m not talking about the rally drivers. Those ones evidently had some other kind of fun inhaling the dust and feeling the adrenalin from the windy, scenic paths. I’m talking about the not-so-single singles in attendance.

The one question that lingered everywhere as people reported bleary-eyed to work on Monday morning was, who cheated? Better still, am I single? Or, do they know they’re not single?

Safari Rally has a bit of a reputation for good times (and great hits, ha). And it isn’t for no reason that the slogan from the US was appropriated to “whatever happens in Vasha stays in Vasha” – with whatever spelling you prefer. And so, one who thought they were in a relationship had to ask themselves – what exactly happened in Vasha? And should I have gone as well?

It’s the kind of question most people have asked themselves while in a relationship, or a situationship or (the horrifying) talking stage. You see the situation coming a mile away.

There’s a fun event happening, whether in or out of town. You have a sneaky suspicion that the entire guest list isn’t being shared with you. Maybe you can’t go for the weekend away because of work. Maybe it’s a boys’ trip, and you, being the girlfriend who likes to give their partner space, allow it. Maybe you don’t even want to go, preferring a bleak and cold Nairobi to the blistering heat of wherever they’re going, like someone who hates Vitamin D. Your partner goes to the fun event, and you immediately start to worry. Because even if you see an opportunity for your partner to cheat coming – what are you supposed to do?

This is the first red flag. In such cases, I think the bigger problem is who the partner is as opposed to what the opportunity presents. Just because your partner goes away for the weekend doesn’t mean something is going to happen – even if they’re going with that friend of theirs who hates your guts and is actively trying to end your relationship. And just because they stay home doesn’t mean they’re not up to some kind of hanky-panky right under your nose.

What I’m trying to say is, Vasha is not what is going to make your man slip up. Your man is what is going to make your man slip up. Past a certain point, we’re all adults making conscious decisions, with the ability to choose whether to behave or misbehave. You can’t make someone do something they don’t want to do no matter how big the wedding was or how many times the pastor prays for you. Personal responsibility and willpower goes much further than how hard you wish he could keep it in his pants.

And honestly, do you really want to be in a relationship with a pet? By pet I mean you’re keeping someone on a leash, checking what they do, who they see, where they go, what they eat…that’s like playing both a parent and the NSIS. Can you imagine constantly having to scrutinise your workmates’ phones on a daily basis, searching for passwords and interrogating suspects because you think something foul is afoot? Wouldn’t it be easier to break up? Because that sounds like having a whole other career, and surely, we can’t come into relationships to play detectives. If you don’t trust your partner, do without them.