Women: Things that Kenyan men do in bed that really annoy us

When you've been in a relationship for a while, certain things start to annoy you. In the bedroom too, some habits can be irritating to our partners, but they may be silent on it while cursing us inwardly. 

The Chama members this time, brought up such issues. "Our men have these habits, that interfere with matters in the bedroom. We don't know how to politely bring it up," the Chair lady of the Chama explained on the phone as he invited me to their meeting. 

As you may be aware, this Chama invites me once in a while to discuss bedroom matters as an expert. 

"Why can't men brush their teeth?" one woman asked when I joined the discussion. 

"Mine farts in the middle of things and this offends me," another member shouted from the crowd, "can you imagine sharing a blanket and someone releases pungent gas on you?" she adds. 

"On a more serious note, why do our husbands ignore us?" the vice-chairperson asked, "they rarely talk or listen to us; they can be quiet the whole day then suddenly appear in the evening asking for sex."

And the complaints went on and on until I intervened and asked members to allow me time to explain my viewpoint.

"Put it in your column. We know they love to read the newspaper," the vice-chairperson insisted. 

There are indeed habits that put off your sex partner at the critical moments of intimacy. This does not just apply to men but to women too. The issue of bodily hygiene tops the list. You need to present yourself to your partner in the best possible form. The only time you for sure present yourself to your partner is when you share a bed.

Make sure you have showered and brushed your teeth. People like looking good when leaving the house to go and meet strangers, yet put very little effort into the bedroom. You should be looking better when you are going to meet the love of your life.

But looking good is not a bedtime-only affair. Sagging tummies have become the bane of prosperous men. It is accompanied by loud snoring because the muscles of the neck are unable to cope with a load of fat deposits. Your partner cannot get sleep when your snore is disturbingly loud. 

If the weight gain is not controlled, you become prone to lifestyle diseases such as high blood pressure and diabetes. Of course, these diseases arise from multiple factors playing in synchrony, and excess weight is one of the factors.

Good thing is that weight gain is a factor under your control. Nature has a way of alerting your partner that you are on the health wrong path thus the disturbing snore.

Then there is this recurring complaint of men ignoring women. At the same time, men complain that they are not listened to. 

"We try to talk but they do not listen either and then they complain that we do not listen, ridiculous!" a member shouted from the back.

The problem is really communication breakdown which is a shared problem. Communication succeeds when the parties involved take responsibility to improve it. 

"You are getting the point wrong," the chairperson interjected, "men are always busy talking to their friends, on phone, watching TV, or doing other things and when you talk to them they just ignore you."

"Even during the day they will not pick your call or reply to your SMS," another member said.

"They do not even appreciate how we look," the vice-chairperson hammered, "can you imagine other men telling me how good my hairstyle is yet my husband doesn't seem to notice? Aren't they pushing us to be friendly to other men?" 

Well, couples need, first of all, to create time just for their spouses which is a time to listen and to talk to each other. That time is different from the family time when children are present. The special time is best spent in the bedroom or on a night out. Because you never have catch-up time, you will slowly become strangers.

"Yes, this reflects in the bedroom because there is no connection," a member points out.

Beyond the special time, which should be daily, it is important to do catch-ups during the day. A phone call or two, an SMS message here and there, and dropping each other an email helps. It reassures that someone is thinking about you and when the time for sex comes, things flow naturally.

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