Why young men chose to be toy boys

A couple having a talk. PHOTO| POOL

What you need to know:

  • Earlier on, I couldn't fathom the idea that there are people who would go for sugar parents. Why would anyone stoop that low? Why would someone sell themselves for money? Don't they have any dignity?
  •  Mariga Thoithi: "What else can you use your money on when you have everything you wish for?".
  • If you don't have enough money to compete with the women who have it, don't be jealous either.

Back in the late '90s, there was a quiet sexual revolution of sorts in East Africa. The quiet revolution happened practically everywhere. New magazines had just hit the market. On the covers were young scantily dressed women and the inside was littered with a mixture of raunchy articles and photo stories. Seen Magazine and all its counterparts will never be forgotten. The Ugandan versions of these magazines had lifestyle articles, news, fictional stories, advice columns, and letters from readers, too. One of the most popular serial fictional articles in Trends was The adventures of the Randy Professor and Angela the Sugar Mummy. Remember those times?

In the comic, Angela, the sugar mummy was a wealthy business mogul in her forties, with her mind running circles about sex and she was consistently on the prowl for younger men. One of her most memorable quotes was, "What else can you use your money on when you have everything you wish for?". Angela's quote took me back to a few years ago when I was in financial ruin due to consistent and consequential mismanagement of my income. I was broke and for a moment there I entertained the thought of going to those websites that advertised online alerting me that, "There's a sugar mummy in your area."


Sugar parents

Earlier on, I couldn't fathom the idea that there are people who would go for sugar parents. Why would anyone stoop that low? Why would someone sell themselves for money? Don't they have any dignity? All of that moral grandstanding softened day by day as I started paying bills. When I got electricity bills that started looking like lottery numbers, I now understood why Jerotich Sei is fighting for energy justice. I almost took to the streets with her that very minute. I started getting why people had sugar daddies and wondered why people were shamed for it. It does, after all, seem like a logical idea. Offering something that you would offer anyway on an ordinary day but at a financial profit for you.


I don't think I would do it because of my ego (or maybe I would) but I know more young men now doing it. Women have shown them how to do it, so it's more of a catch-up game. What's so wrong with a college boy wining and dining in their sneakers and hoodie at brunch at the Baluba or Artisan? God knows those young professionals starting with salaries—the amount of their boss' children's pocket money— need cash to buy that new couch and an Audemars Piguet watch that they can't even pronounce. What about those men in their mid-20's working in law firms that use them as part-time PA's to plan their bosses date nights with his five girlfriends, getting a holiday in Zanzibar and Seychelles? Why should they not go for it with that much older woman?


The price of shame

The shame is dropping by the day. Yes, there is still the odd sneer or glare here and there but these young lads are realizing that there's no pride in being broke. That the landlord doesn't care and neither do the three apps that you borrow money from.

The profile of the sugar mummies available is pretty similar. They're either in their 40's or above. Their careers and marriages have progressed but in completely different directions. They have the money but finally, they get tired of that husband who has cheated for the 9th time or they finally realise that while he was the proper husband societally and on paper, he just needed to get married because he was 30. They have good careers and need time and attention and strokes and whipping but not on a cross. And by that point, they don't need your money, in fact, they're looking for ways that their money can make them happy. And this is where, young men, capitalise on the opportunity to strike gold.

There's shouldn't be any shame in getting an upper hand in life and if it comes with some fun, it should be alright? Or is it? If your company isn't good enough to be rewarded, don't be jealous of the people who are. If you don't have enough money to compete with the women who have it, don't be jealous either.

Let's get this conversation going! I would like to hear more about men's experiences with cougars. Let's also hear from the women who have offered some sugar. How did that go?


Email me on mwthoithi@gmail.com