Why powerful men sex lives are often troubled

The fiasco between Governor Mutua and his once sweetheart-turned adversary, Lilian, reminded me of the many incidents I have come across of the distress in celebrity love, intimacy, and sex.

While it is unfair to conclude that power and influence complicate every relationship and impacts bedroom issues negatively, I have attended to several people in high offices who left me wondering whether celebrity status, power, and money are bad for a healthy sexual life. 

A few years ago a 60-year-old politician walked into a reproductive health clinic that I worked in with a 23-year-old woman. The woman had just finished her college studies and was yet to get a job.

She had won a beauty contest in her college and was subsequently featured in the school magazine. The politician gripped by her beauty sent emissaries to her to organise a meeting in his office. He invited her for a weekend holiday to the coast. 

"I want her to get tested for HIV," the politician said, "As much as we want to have fun I have big responsibilities and dreams which I would not want a young girl to destroy by infecting me with a deadly virus," he burst out. 

The politician insisted that he was HIV negative and refused to undergo the test. I insisted on the importance of couple testing and the need for free will in deciding to undergo the test.

The girl appeared intimidated. The politician would not leave the room to allow me to counsel her separately. After an hour of a difficult counseling session, the politician opted to have the test done elsewhere and stormed out of the clinic. He refused to pay consultation fees.

Then there was this wife of another politician. She came to the clinic to get insights into the divorce process. She wanted to walk out of her marriage. She had two children and had been married for 17 years. All was well in her marriage till her husband went into politics. The man got married to two other women in four years. The once-happy marriage turned into a living hell. 

"It has been three years since we were intimate," she explained, "he has also become harsh and uncaring; life is so empty, he rarely comes home, if I do not walk out of this marriage I will die of depression." 

When the man learnt of her attempts to divorce him, he became furious. He became violent and beat her up. He warned her that he would use his influence to corrupt the justice system and that if she ever went public she would face dire consequences. The woman fearing for her life opted to remain silent and subdued in the marriage. She has been on antidepressants for a while now. Five years on, her life and that of her children is one big mess.

But the drama of power and influence is not restricted to marriages and sexual relationships of political leaders. Other celebrities and people in high positions adorned with fame and fortune stretch their sexuality a little too far. We are all too aware of the sex scandals in churches, with some of the implicated powerful men of God even attempting to kill their lovers if they reveal their escapades.

Recently a senior business executive came to the Sexology Clinic with an erection that had lasted five hours, a condition medically called priapism. He had taken the blue pill intending to entertain two women on this night. To his surprise, the erection failed to resolve after the escapades. He was scared and came to the clinic because he could not go back to his house the next morning with his erection bulging. Many powerful people, therefore, are not spared from lewd sexual acts that come with money and power.

While, it's true, no one is immune from being sexually salacious, power, money, and influence complicate the situation. Most victims in such relationships have little space to fight for their rights. They are threatened, beaten, and can even be killed. They soon learn that they were no better than sex toys by falling in love with a person of means and influence. 

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