Why DMX was our god as young boys

"Right, wrong, good, bad, heaven, hell. I think that is the theme of my life. I think you have to know both to honestly choose one. So I'm familiar with both sides of the fence."

This past week a god died. That's the only way I can describe him. In a world where magic was real and the supernatural existed, I would imagine him as a god with thunder and fire in his voice. If you heard him rap, you would know what I mean. His raspy, rough, gravelly voice demanded your attention while his growling, shouts, and chants called you to join along. His music called and moved us. Yes, rapper DMX was a man like no other. He died recently at 50. 

I first listened to his music around 1998 when the Ruff Ryders Anthem became a hit. It was a sensation. This song was the reason why I got excited in a matatu or when I tuned in to the TV show, The Beat. It was an art form because we were all competing on who could draw the Ruff Ryders logo best in between class breaks. We were, with our barely mature base, competing on who could rap DMX songs best. We bought the shirts and jeans as a point of pride and whoever had the latest 'merch' held the bragging rights. DMX was an icon.

He was a manly man. As manly a man as I could fathom then. I realised just this past week that he holds the record as the only rapper to have their first five albums debut off the top at number one and the first living hip hop rapper to have two projects go platinum in the same year. 

He made music that moved people while at the same time going through three tumultuous decades as he struggled with drug addiction and 30 prison lock-ups. If the online world did not exist now, we would have viewed him as a rich rapper who did drugs and had 15 children with nine different women. It was an open and shut case. But there was way more to his story. 

His journey into drugs didn't start as a fun exciting adventure. At the tender age of 14, his mentor who he held on a pedestal, tricked him and gave him marijuana laced with crack cocaine, and that set him on a lifetime of addiction. "Why would you do that to a child? He knew I looked up to him. Why would you do that to somebody who looks up to you? A monster was born. I wouldn't do that to my worst enemy. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. Especially for someone that you supposedly love. Why would you do that?" DMX rhymed. 

He lost two of his teeth when he was six when they were knocked out of his mouth with a broomstick by his abusive mother, who he eventually forgave. The departed star went in and out of prison on different charges including drug possession, weapons charges, reckless driving, and probation violations. He also earlier got in trouble for robbery and other petty offenses. The rapper spent his childhood in group homes and suffered from a system of racialized poverty which made his success an exception, not the rule. 

But through that troubled life, he not only managed to create ruggedly raw poetry through music and movies that touched the world. He was also a down-to-earth man from the personal tributes after his death. While on tour in Kosovo, he was invited by a fan to a random Albanian wedding and he not only surprised them by showing up but he danced with them too. He was the reason that a fan of his forgave her mother because of a chance meeting with him at a supermarket and how he took over an hour talking to her about his struggle with forgiveness. He paid the dinner tab for the whole dinner quietly and left after his meal. There were endless little stories about DMX's kindness and humanity. 

The musician, through his lyrics, spoke of pain, trauma, struggle, growth, redemption, and salvation. As Jeff Ihaza put it, in a brilliant article for Rolling Stone, "he endured a system designed to annihilate the spirit and somehow remained defiantly radiant. The late MC struggled against a world that tried to box him in, both figuratively and literally. He leaves behind a legacy of breaking free."

He was a man for the ages. RIP DMX. 

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