What we think on why men cheat may not be true

A phone ringing. PHOTO| POOL

What you need to know:

  • Joan Thatiah: How many children you have and whoever you have them with is no measure of your manhood. The only man who believes this lie is one who has little respect for his partner and for the relationship he has with her.
  • Anyone over the age of 20 should have learnt that people do not cheat because their partners are slow in bed or whatever hogwash attached men spew when trying to get into beds that are not theirs.
  • People cheat simply because they can.

I heard the most outrageous thing the other day. That all men have children outside their long-term relationships. That it’s the manly thing to do. “Mwanamme lazima apande mbegu moja nje,” (A man has to sow wild oats) this man said.

This is what I call nonsense. First of all, how many children you have and whoever you have them with is no measure of your manhood. The only man who believes this lie is one who has little respect for his partner and for the relationship he has with her.


Reasons for cheating

This conversation was had hot on the wheels of a cheating scandal involving a popular gospel DJ and a wannabe Instagram star. I have heard many unsettling things in reaction to this scandal.

First, it was how every tabloid was quick to mention the reasons the DJ gave his mistress for cheating. They all seemed to be looking for an explanation, an excuse to justify his actions. Anyone over the age of 20 should have learnt that people do not cheat because their partners are slow in bed or whatever hogwash attached men spew when trying to get into beds that are not theirs.


Fix issues

People who are unsatisfied with their sex lives try to fix them and if they can’t and it’s a deal breaker, then they leave. People cheat simply because they can. And the bad news is that if you are dating in 2020, you are going to be cheated on.

No, not because all men are cheats. Unless you marry your childhood sweetheart, there is a good chance you will go on a date or two with one of these men who have little respect, men who will try their luck with all sorts of women because they can. We should have stopped blaming women for their husbands’ affairs decades ago!


Fighting for marriage

Following a week of tabloid stories entailing screen shots and videos of the alleged affair, the DJ’s wife decided to go on a fast after which she declared that she was fighting for her marriage. This is not my issue. How a woman decides to deal with a cheating spouse is up to her. Only she knows where the shoe pinches most. I have even heard people claim that their relationships became better after an affair, I don’t know.

My problem is how everybody seemed to assume that the DJ’s wife is a naïve, clueless homemaker with no idea what her man has been up to for the last four years. It’s an assumption I often see cast on women who find themselves in such situations. People around them imagine that because her husband has been cheating, this woman needs protecting because she can’t tell when she is being taken advantage of.

Well, I am sorry to break it to you but it’s more than likely that she knew what he was up to. No adult woman will have a man going for week-long rendezvous with other women and not know. She knew. She probably knew that he would when she married him. Why did she stay with him? It probably isn’t a deal breaker for her. 


satmag@ke.nationmedia.com