She played us both, now she is pregnant. What should I do?

I'm 28 and have been dating this 24-year-old girl for the last three years. Last year, I realised she has been dating another man. Earlier, when I enquired from her about him, she used to claim the man is her very long-time friend whom she met even before I knew her.

I decided to stay with her even after realising she has been playing me, and try to forgive her. So, we spent a lot of time together last August and as a result, she became pregnant. During that time, I realised that the other man had also been asking her who I was. Via call, he confessed to me that he was told I'm her longtime friend and that's all. He also said that they had dated for two years.

After some personal assessment, I decided that I'm unable to forgive her because the man is her neighbour and I don't know what's likely to happen between them when she returns home. But I don't want to abandon my baby (I'm sure it's mine because of the date of conception). What should I do?

Please hide my identity.

READERS ADVICE

Your girlfriend has been seeing two of you but you chose to forgive her and that is when she learned that she can have her cake and eat it. Now that both of you have confirmed that she has been playing you it is time to focus on yourself and your baby. Whether you decide to stay with this woman or not, just be there for your child as a responsible father and forget what the other man has to offer. Next time be man enough to interpret signals.

Juma Felix

EXPERT'S TAKE

After getting the revelation about your girlfriend cheating it is understandable that you would find it hard to forgive her. If anything you may forgive her but always have the issue lingering in your thoughts.

That said, I would advise that you have a candid chat with her and make her aware of your findings, not to stay with her, but so that you guide her in the errors she has made. Sometimes it helps to be the bigger man and even if you leave the relationship.

You leave knowing that you were the wiser one inclusive of stating your intentions to support your child whether together or not. You do not owe her to be civil but it is an avenue that I recommend. You never know what the future holds and handling your case in this manner may benefit you later in life.

Maurice Matheka, Relationship Counsellor

 NEXT WEEK’S DILEMMA

I am turning 35 this year, and I am in turmoil because, I feel, for the next phase of my life I need a new partner.

Now, I have a baby mama, we've been together since I was 19, literally 16 years of my life, she's blessed me with two kids. She is five years older than I.

Over the years we've grown apart and I don't want to blame her for anything. Let's just assume am the bad guy. She is amazing. However, I feel my time with her needs to end.

I also got into what I think, now is an unwise relationship with a younger woman, a colleague ... yeah I know... Typical. And I thought she was amazing, but I've been feeling like this is not the right move for me. I stooped low when I should have aimed high. She is gorgeous but as time passes I feel she wouldn't be with me if not for the lifestyle I offer her. If I were broke, I would not have dated.

I decided to take time away and think. And I feel, yes I need to break things off with these women. I am willing to support the transition, but for my own mental health, I feel neither of these women are good for me.

I am thinking my baby mama can have a regular stipend of Sh80,000 for raising my children, but with NO intimacy.

For the mpango, I was thinking I give her a one-time payout of Sh100,000 to sh150,000 for her to forget me.

I think this is fair. But I am worried for my kids most, and the women's emotional health... Lakini pesa ni sabuni... and I think it's enough. And since they see me as an ATM anyway, I think it's a perfect solution for me to buy my space and find peace.

I want to do this so that I give love a chance. I want to fall in love with a strong woman and I don't want her to come into this mess... I'd want to be loved again.. and no I'm not gay... But straight men need love too.

I don't want to have another affair, but to find a woman with whom I won't need to have an affair, someone, I can love and be loved back by. Is it possible in this generation? I'd be looking for a woman ready to settle in a year's time. This is my vision for 2023.

Is it bad that I want a woman with no children despite me having two? Should I adjust my standards or accept the reality and languish in this situation straining my mental health?

I think I am worth a woman who would value hard work and love me. I want a true partner, but where will I get her?

And how do I tell these two women, that I have had enough without blood being spilled?

 Jack Daniels Omondi

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